Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Health Kick Update

Per request:

1. My urine really isn't green, or smell like Monster Energy. I was kidding.
2. I do feel more energized.
3. I feel more rested.
4. It is probably mostly psychological, but I don't's working.

I've cut down to 4 collagen a day instead of 6. I just couldn't take swallowing all those pills.


Apollo's Curse

I have just experienced another one of my precognitive dreams.

*Insert dream sequence music here*

Caleb and I were in the market for a house...we were checking out Victorian style homes on our favorite island. The search wasn't going very well though...they were either too expensive, or too run down.

But I was offered a job at a really nice place. I was going to be doing a lot of writing and organizing. It was a position working with a high level executive, with the definite possibility of taking on a management level job later on.

So, I had to find daycare. Fortunately, I found a really cool place that had a children's village...meaning you walk into one of the daycare rooms and it is essentially a village in miniature, just the right size for snoogs.

Okay that was my dream.

Now for reality.

A month ago Caleb and I began a house hunting endeavor. We went to check out a mortage company, and had a consultation on what we could afford. We have been looking at houses in that price range and they are not what we really want...either too small or too much in need of 'fixing up'. I had looked for Victorian style homes and they are way out of our price range.

I was offered a job working for a high level executive at a nice company. We have already discussed the possibility of advancement within a year or two.

And the kicker...

In my pursuit to find a good daycare for my daughter, I interviewed with a place yesterday...a place I had no intention of visiting at first because I didn't like the name. But gave it a shot anyway. During the tour, the director showed me to a play room that they have set up when the weather is bad...and it is arranged like a child sized village...just like in my dream.

I'm telling you, I creep myself out sometimes...but I think that I have settled on a daycare.

Base Humor

My husband loves the shows Jackass and Viva La Bam. He laughs uncontollably when Johnny, Bam, Dunn, and Steve-o are doing bodily harm to one another all for the sake of a laugh.

Last night we watched Prank Wars, or something like that. I'm telling you I don't think my husband breathed once. He was in perpetual laugh mode.

The funniest part? When they finally called it truce and then one turned and back handed the other in the boys.

I had to pose the question, Caleb what if you and your friends greeted each other in similar fashion?

I didn't get an answer...he just laughed harder.

I'll be sure to buy him a sports cup.

The End Result

Now, out of curiosity...what do you think would happen if we pulled out of the war ~today~?

Does anyone recall where our troops were when we were attacked on 9/11?

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

America's Break-Up Letter to the World.

Read this and tell me what you think.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Full Swing

Tonight we received THE LISTS.

For those of you with school aged children, go ahead and groan.

I am, I am a.m.a.z.e.d. at how much schools do not supply. I remember when all I needed to do was show up with some paper and a pencil. Today's students are much more sophisticated, and so the school supply lists are much much longer.

We spent about 1.5 hours at Office Max tonight, along with about 300 other parents toting thier own lists.

I was sooo not going to Meijer again this year. They had NOTHING left on the lists, which only drew out the nightmare longer than necessary. [i.e. numerous notes from teachers asking for more stuff]

So I decided to get it all done in one event.

We left Office Max $90 lighter, and a ton of school supplies heavier. Which totally deserved a swing through Baskin Robbins...and then an excusion to Barnes and Noble.

Now the house is quiet, except for Caleb grumping at the T.V. because he has once again decided to torture himself by attempting to play a video game. Either that or the cat is attacking his feet, which she is convinced are monsters [I don't blame her].

I've just finished writing to all of the kids' teachers. Just a hello letter to let them know that I am watching them. I mean...that I am here for them in case they need me. Yeah. No really...I wanted to try something this year called communication. I hear it works wonders. So I wrote to each of them [all 8 of them].

School is almost in full swing. Unfortunately, my swing is one of those crooked ones with half the chain wrapped around the top bar. I'll probably be swaying lopsided all year. Of course, that's really nothing new.


Just Thinking...

Good conversation, Good food, Great friend, and an emotionally gripping movie... not to mention a mutual appreciation for Clint Eastwoods ability to age gracefully.

The perfect way to spend a Saturday night without the boys...

I think I may be onto something.

Health Kick

I've decided to try and work out my stress and depression problems with nutritional supplements before heading to the psychotropic drug dealer.

So, my daily regimen is the following:

3 collagen tablets [each roughly the size of a horse pill]
1 multivitamin [about horse pill size-ish, and smells like horse doody]
1 B 12 vitamin [much like swallowing a gritty nickel]

3 collagen tablets [each roughly the size of a horse pill]
1 calcium pill [not as bad as the collogen tablets]
1 magnesium/potassium capsule [if not swallowed and allowed to break is reminiscent of chewing boric acid]

I'll have to admit that I have had more energy since I've been taking these things [since Friday], but is my urine suppose to be bright green and smell like Monster Energy?

Janitorial Tragedy 20 years in the making

This morning, while getting Abi ready for her first day of school, Caleb commented on the fact that it was 20 years ago that he was in the 3rd grade. Abi just smiled and then teased Caleb by responding "You've been alive for 20 years?!".

Caleb went on with his thought, and looked at me with amazed realization..."In just a few months it will be 20 years since the Challenger blew up"...

He walked away at that point, once again shocked at the passage of time.

I watched Abi's expression, and prepared to tell her what the Challenger was, but then she interrupted me with her own amazed exclamation as though she couldn't believe what she had just been told...

"...his janitor blew up?!?"

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Dear Husband,

Thank you for the kick-butt diamond ring! I love the way it sparkles and the way it makes me feel inside that you saved your pennies just to put it on my finger. Did I mention that it is very sparkly? Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Your Wife

Up Next: Life as I know it.

Tomorrow my kids start school. Zac in 7th grade, and Abigaille in 3rd. It seems so strange that they are old enough now to be in grades that I remember myself attending.

I’m really open with my children. I believe that having real discussions with them will help to alleviate some of the conflicts [horrors] that I encountered as a child/ teenager.

They know that I don’t want them to smoke, drink, or use drugs. They also know that they are to wait and have sex after they are married. If they ever feel pressured to do any of these things, I have an open door policy.

It is my sincere goal as a mother to never let them experience wondering if I love them, care for them, and want the best for them. I also hope that they know that I trust them.

I say this, but do I practice it? Sometimes I wonder. At the times that I wonder, I turn from my computer and shout out “Zac, do you use drugs?”, and him being used to his crazy mother’s ranting, shouts back “No!”, in the most indignant tone that a 12 year old can muster. And I reply, “you better not EVER use drugs, because why?”…and he replies “Mom, I’m not stupid”…and then I am reassured that yes, my son is okay.

As I sit here writing a blog post, that I am painfully aware takes up too much of my time…I wonder do my children really know that I want to be there for them ALL the time? Even when I am at work? Even when I can’t be here physically…am I really available?

This past year I have had the opportunity to be with them as a stay at home mom. It was good on some levels and extremely difficult on others. But that time is over, and I wonder did I make the best of the time I had? Maybe. I’m not so sure that God gave me this year off to be with my kids or to allow me time to recoup from the crazy schedule that I had been keeping as a single mom for 6 years.

Single motherhood. Now THERE is a topic worth discussing. If I could give single mothers one piece of advice it would simply be…do not live with a man you are not married to. And do not marry a man who does not love your children. [*side note: do not marry a man who would put a gun to your child’s head and taunt them to pull the trigger because they were confiding to you that their friend was going to commit suicide]

Thankfully I have learned from my own mistakes [*and the mistakes of others], and I have married a man that loves my children [*and does not own a gun]. So one duck down…now to get the rest in order.

My kids start school tomorrow, I start school tomorrow, and next week Kimi will be in daycare, and I will be back to work full time. Back to that crazy schedule. Only this time I’m preparing myself…I’ve armed myself with Magnesium and B 12. I hate taking pills, but I hate being tired and overstressed even more.

What’s all this mean? Dinner is in the oven and I have some living to do before 6:00 AM tomorrow morning.

Saturday, August 27, 2005


I'm considering a move from Blogger to another service. If anyone has suggestions, that would be great. I'm pretty illiterate when it comes to these things.

The reason I want to move, is because my long posts are now showing up...and I know the simple answer would be to not be so long-winded...but yeah right.

So suggestions are very very welcome on this one.


Friday, August 26, 2005

That and...

Cute animal photos and spending money...or more specifically spending money at Hallmark.

Hallmark seems to be the best place in the world to go if you are feeling particularly blue. Stepping into the store, I am immediately surrounded by happy sentiments and encouraging words.

I forget about my worries, and start thinking about other people, and how I would like to be a part of brightening their day. So, a bunch of cards and $40 later, I'm all good again.

And to that naysayer who would spread hostility and you I say boo.

Cute animal photos cheer me up every time...

Kitty-back ride



Feels Like God Knocking

...and before the attack there was this today:

At work, I noticed that someone had brought in a very old beat up Bible. It struck me as odd, because I don't work in a church or anything. And me, being the curious sort opened the Bible to feel the pages. I love how old books feel...and smell. I was half temted to pick it up and sniff, but before I did that, I noticed the passage that I had opened up to:

Psalm 7:

1 O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:
2 Lest he tear my soul like a lion, rending it in pieces, while there is none to deliver.

Fight or Flight

I wish that sometimes my feelings weren't so incredibly raw. That way, if someone bristley brushed up against them, I wouldn't have such a strong reaction.

Sometimes...I wish that I could just not react.

Then I could be the better person. The stoic one. The professional one. The strong one. Taking the higher ground has never been my forte.

But I am human. Did you know that I'm not perfect?

So...when you tear me reaction is to fight back.

Sometimes I wish that I had learned flight instead of fight.

Then maybe, I wouldn't be sitting in a puddle of tears, left blurry from the whirlwind attack that came to me over the phone with no outlet to escape except into my ears and out of my mouth towards the people that I love the most.

The unprovoked crossing of enemy lines.

Yeah, I take that personally. Damn you for doing that to me. Damn me for reacting.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Coming up Colors

I sold 4 custom color compacts in 2 days!! I am the Color Queen!

I love this job

In other MK news, I have decided to make my classes a girl event with my daughters. They accompany me, and "help out" with set up and etc.

Tonight was our first night trying this out, it went fairly well. Though, I'll have to bring more snacks next time.

Love and Tolerance

I find it extremely frustrating that folks will go up and down and around saying that you shouldn't bash another person's religious beliefs...

and yet they will turn around and bash Christianity.

I don't get it...isn't Christianity a religious belief as well?

I've been noticing a lot of forums who are openly berating Christians...openly admitting that they listen to Christian programming to scoff and laugh at their views.

I wonder what they would say if someone were to openly berate Jews, Muslims, Taoists, etc. Oh, I already know. The people that do that are dubbed Nazi's and such. Because they are considered intolerant...right?

Doesn't Christianity have a place among society in which they are protected against the same type of abuse? Why does no one say..."Hey that's not cool." when Christians are the target?

If find bashing of ANY faith dispicable.

Everyone wants love and tolerance. I'd like to see more people genuinely give it.

Thank you for reading.

*stepping down from soapbox*

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

You Know it's Bad When....

You spend 45 minutes plucking your eyebrows.

45 minutes.

Think about it.

13 Days

It just hit me that in 13 days I shall no longer be a stay at home mom.

I'll be let loose upon the workforce once more.

I'm facing that prospect with a little fear, anticipation, and remorse. Sprinkled with a good helping of guilt.

I will skip over the guilt because I have guilt no matter what setting I am in. Staying at home introduced me to a new kind of guilt. The kind that says over and over that a 28 year old man should not be expected to support his wife and her children while she sits at home and plays "bloggy", reads a book, pursues her degree and takes outings to the park. Additionally, the type of guilt that screams "you are home, so why aren't you spending more time with the kids you claimed to miss while you were working". Or better are an able-bodied one should be expected to pay for your food. Loser.

I'm horrible.

So, now I will go back to the familiar guilt that screams: you work out of the home when you should be home with your children, taking care of the house, and making dinner for your husband. Loser.

There really is no winning.

One way or another, I'm going to lynch myself. thankyouverymuch.

I guess on the brighter side, I will be contributing to the financial health of the household. Kimi will be able to play with other children. And maybe, just maybe I'll have something more interesting to write about than whether or not Kimi had a successful potty training day.

coffee makers, paperclips, computer crashes, intranet, Outlook scheduling, V.P. luncheons, filing, typing, blah blah blah.

Somehow I doubt it.


Well, the pre school that we interviewed today is very nice. I would like to take Kimi there, and introduce her to a structured yet fun Christian based environment.

Unfortunately, my Kimi is not 100% potty trained. So, daycare it is. Unless I can get the child 100% within the next week.

It's possible. Maybe if I just take away the pull ups she might clear that last hurdle. In the meantime, it's going to be interview madness for the next week or so.


The tiger spots it's prey....

Assesses her strategy....

Approaches the target....

And in one pounce, kills the camera strap.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Not the Narrow

I've been mulling around some topics as of late...a lot to do with my faith. And I am experiencing the dilemma that most Christian/ Republicans face when dealing with social issues. We keep out mouths shut [most of the time], and endure while the Secular/Democratic party bashes us and our ideals left and left.

I think that this is because we know that the immediate response will be to be charged with narrowminded, hypocritical, bigotry. Which is not the truth. Well, at least not the truth in my case.

I think that many people forget that not all Christians are Bible thumpers. Unfortunately, the loudest ones seem like Bible thumpers, which is why the quiet ones like myself get caught up in the same category. To be honest these types of people, overbearing, judgemental, and condemning are what turned me off to Christianity for most of my life.

I've only recently become a Christian.

So, being a baby Christian, I am still able to see the perspectives from the other side of the fence. However, with my newfound insight...I also understand more what God has laid out for us as human beings.

I also accept that I don't have to know everything, if I did...then needing a Savior would be obsolete. And because I'm a sinner, I need a savior.

Anyway...there are many socially acceptable elements to our society that God does not approve of, according to His word [The Bible]. Socially acceptable means that we as human beings have accepted it into our lives, and don't see anything inherently wrong with it, because a. it isn't hurting anyone, and b. it isn't hurting me personally.

But we don't know that for sure. Only God knows. Maybe that is why the Bible outlines many things as being a sin, or wrong, or whatever. He might know what He is doing...He is God afterall.

That doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, chances are I'm not going to like it. I'm a sinner too...that means there is a good chance I've done something that God doesn't like, that He has expressly forbidden, and has outlined as such in said Bible. And trust me I certainly HAVE.

It sucks. I know.

But that is where forgiveness comes into play. God does love us unconditionally. Of course He does. He also knows we are going to screw up. But the point of that is we strive to be like Christ...the only perfect one to ever walk the earth. It's a long hard road. We won't succeed. But if you take up the mantle of being a Christian and recognize the need of your Savior...there is a good chance that you will be a lot closer than if you had not tried at all.

Anyway, yeah, I'm a Christian and a Republican. Why throw Republican in there? In case you hadn't noticed I won't support a party that supports the 'right' to kill babies under ANY circumstances. Just my p.o.v.

I also won't support a party whose intrinsic public platform is to enable people not empower them. Again, my p.o.v.

And since I'm entitled to those beliefs...I thought that for once I would air them out...regardless of how non-socially acceptable they may be.

Paper Crowns

Every day for the past 2 weeks, Kimi has requested that I construct her a crown. Every day I make her one, and by evening it is demolished. You wonder at how someone with such an angelic smile would destroy something that she finds so very crucial to her happiness....

You can see here that she has such concern for her subjects...

But the truth of the matter is that as long as I continue making her a crown, she will continue believing that she is a princess.

I guess I'll be making paper crowns for the rest of my life, and that is okay with me.

And for those of you who care...

I got the job. I start September 6. So now the rollercoaster of finding a daycare/preschool for Kimi begins. Wish me luck, say a prayer. This is the hardest part.

What is a Tangerine?

A tangerine is an orange-colored citrus fruit.

They are slightly smaller in size than oranges, and their skin peels off more easily. Their flavour is less sour and more neutral than that of an orange.

It is actually a type of mandarin orange.

The flavour is commonly used in bottle juice or soft drinks in North America. [and is my favorite flavor Lifesaver]

The number of seeds in each segment (carpel) varies greatly.

It is also a ferocious tiger-kitten-cat whose poop does not smell anything like citrus.

Somehow it is appropriate that Caleb has presented me with the stinkiest cat that ever lived.


Yes, I'm giving a blow-by-blow update on my job search. They made an offer yesterday, and this morning I made my counter-offer. [after consulting both the internet and a much trusted friend on the etiquette of such strategies] They are suppose to call sometime after 1:00 to let me know if it was approved.

I hope that it goes through, I've already spent my first pay check on a shopping spree at Macy's.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Answers I Never Give

I'm always so decidedly honest when I send answers back to my friends. But these are the answers I would like to send...

1. What is your full name? Lolly Lolly Picklepants
2. What color pants are you wearing? Pickle
3. What are you listening to right now? screaming
4. What was the last thing you ate? regurgitation
5. Do you wish on stars? Only the red blinking ones
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? off-color
7. How is the weather right now? I don't know, I don't know how to use the thermostat.
8. The last person you spoke to on the phone? Lola Lovegood. She was nice.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? ABsolutely.
10. How old are you today? 42
11. Favorite drink? V8
12. Favorite sports? WWF HOO YA BABY!!
13. Siblings? 4
14. Favorite month? February
15. Favorite food? Raw Okra with ketchup
16. What was the last movie you watched? Dungeons and Dragons: The Movie
17. Favorite day of the year? Plimsoll Day February 10 /or/Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day February 17. February has such great holidays its hard to choose.
18. What do you do to vent anger? Cut myself with paper or glue things.
19. What was your favorite toy as a child? an old sock and Q-Tip.
20. What is your favorite season? Winter
21. Hugs or kisses? sloppy kisses
22. Chocolate or Vanilla? mustard
23. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Okay
24. Who is most likely to respond? Mr. Tinky
25. Who is least likely to respond? Rick James.
26. Living arrangements? Room 218. But it is only temporary.
27. When was the last time you cried? My tear ducts have been sealed shut with super glue.
28. What is under your bed? Mr. Tinky
29. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Mr. Tinky [Why so many questions about Mr. Tinky??!!]
30. What did you do last night? Recovered from Bamboo and Vinegar Day.
31. Favorite smell? Road kill skunk and french fries. Together.
32. What are you afraid of? Am I limited to one answer?
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? mustard
34. Favorite car? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang [duh] WAAAY better than Herbie or the General Lee.
35. Favorite Flowers? Amorphophallus titanum
36. Number of keys on your key ring? 0
37. How many years at your current job? 7
38. Favorite day of the week? Tuesday. TGIT!!!
39. What did you do on your last birthday? CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!
40. How many states have you lived in? I'm only allowed in one.
41. How many cities have you lived in? 27, but I'm not sure if train stops count.

An Offer I Can Refuse

Well, the job people called. They were very frank with me, and that is good.
I was offered the temporary full time position with potential to be hired on as a permanent employee. They offered me less than my asking wage. However, being that I was very candid with them in the interview--having kids and all--they already know where my priorities are.

I have to give them an answer tomorrow morning.

On the up side, being that it is temporary, I could go into it with the mindset that my paychecks are for savings only. Then at least for the next [up to] 6 months...we could build a nest egg--and Kimi could go to 'preschool'.

I'm trying to see the positive, and ignore the negative. One thing is for sure, whether I am working or not working, the laundry NEVER gets done.

Today Is...

Cleaning the kitchen
Making Dr. Appointments
Cleaning my bathroom
Organizing my business documents
Changing my name for Social Security
Sending out birthday cards
Vitamin shopping

Caleb and I have both realized our need for structure [the hard way I might add]. Making a list helps...but even then my mind begins to wander. Of course, it could just be that I am extremely hungry. So first up is eating something.

The job people called last Friday. I haven't called them back. I'm almost afraid to. I haven't reconciled with going back to work full time.

So much needs to be done around here...

I'm not sure how I did it as a single mom. I'm not sure I have the energy to do all that again.

Pure Fun

My daughters on "The Seahorse" at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. The attendant running the ride was an attraction unto himself...and the girls [all 6 passengers] had a lot of fun. This could be verified by the thrilled screams punctuating each swoosh of the big wooden ark. I wish the photo had turned out better, but they were going REALLY fast.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

What's in a Name?

I really want to rename the kitten "Topaz". She has gold topaz fur, and blue topaz eyes.

But it would hurt my husband's feelings if I did that, since he named her "Tangerine".

Stinky Award

Part of the Gilbert family for one week, and has established herself as the stinkiest member of the family...which is quite an accomplishment in this household. To celebrate, she was presented with a leopard print rabbit fur. I think she approves.

Caleb the Piper

My husband wears a kilt and plays the bagpipes.
Dang, that's sexy!

The Secret Life of Bees

I loved this book. It was a very good read. The characters had me captivated from the very first page.

The parallel between Lily and her father reminds me so much of the relationship I had with my step father that it was rather haunting for me to read.

However, I loved how the story ended. And to be honest I feel that I have come to that point as well. Though, my 'mothers' are my girlfriends. I find it is so amazing how we take care of each other, or at least how we try to.

Now, with daughters of my own...I already know how I want our relationships to grow, and I'm not afraid to tell them so.

I know where she gets it...

The other day I was reading Very Zen, and there is a photo up of a swatch of Amanda's jammies. A nice pink color I might add. But on it, is a print of little people. At the top center there looks to be a cemetary, and I commented that it seems morbid to go to sleep with a cemetary on one's jammies.

There is a point to this.

4 years ago I worked at a music distribution company, and they sometimes allowed me to bring my daughter [Abi] to work with me. And she would "help" me with my work, sit at my desk and generally just be really super cute in her little bob hair cut.

Well, one of my co-workers asked her if she would draw a picture of Mickey Mouse. I was surprised when she agreed and set to work. Abi never was the type of child to look bright eyed and willing in regards to what strangers asked her to do. She has no problem saying "no" or just ignoring you until you go away. The co-worker said that they would come back later to see her finished work.

With Abi busy, I went back to getting something done as well. I glanced over to see how she was doing and she did indeed draw a picture of Mickey Mouse. It was a stick figure, but it had big round ears. Definitely Mickey.

Next to him though, she had been drawing numerous "X's". They were mishappen 4 year old "X's", but definitely "X's", or so I thought.

So I asked her "Honey what are those for?"

And she replied "This is where Goofy is buried", as she finished the last one.

My daughter had been drawing graveyard crosses.

My first reaction was the best reaction. I laughed. Then I picked up the drawing and started taking it around and showing my co-workers. They weren't very impressed. But I was. Maybe because she and I both have the same sentiments about Goofy.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Disturbing Me Beyond Reason

Scene: 8 year old walks in with a clear plastic cup filled with pieces of something. She proceeds to pop one in her mouth and begins chewing.

Me: Abi what are you eating?

Abi: meat.

Me: you are silly. What are you eating, and where did you get it?

Abi: I'm eating dried scum. I got it off the top of the fridge.


Well, no matter what, I passed my Small Business Management class. I received 100% on my final, and I am just waiting on a grade for my artifact project. It will be a matter of passing the class with and A or a B. The fact that it is one more class under my belt bringing me that much closer to graduation is all I care about at this point in time.

To celebrate? I would love to take a nap. However since that isn't going to be possible...I'll be running out to buy and ink cartridge for my printer so that I can finally get some things done for MY small business--which by the way I am booked solid for the next few weeks with skin care's a good thing.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

10-4 Good Buddy

I should be elated, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I've just finished my Small Business Management course. Just. now.

Exam is finished, homework all turned in...

Tomorrow I will be going through the pangs of submitting my paperwork for the next session...but for now...

over and out.

Executive Decision

I've decided that I have way too much to do right now. Therefore, I must take the next hour playing with my children and a very fuzzy kitty cat.

Time managment at it's best.

Holding My Breath

Well, I did it. I went to a job interview. The first one since being laid off last October. Well, no the second one. The first one landed me a very nice part time job which I currently hold. Unfortunately the part time job is temporary, so I have to weigh my options.

I've been weighing my options for almost a year, and I wish that they would get off the scale and make a decision whether to diet or eat.

I arrived at my interview 20 minutes early. It's been a long time since I arrived anywhere early, so I was kind of proud of myself for that display of professionalism. I know that it will be the first and only time that I show up early there, but it was a nice display.

Of course, I was made to wait until my appointment time, and even then the interview didn't start until 15 minutes after that. 15 minutes I spent in a conference room with a polycom within arms reach.

I imagined myself in an array of comical predicaments in that time. For instance, calling all of my friends and having a conference call right there, while I waited. But the humor of that dies away when you realize a. all of your friends are at work, and b. there were no refreshments in which to really make the scenario work. Not even a water dispenser. So my aspirations of having a Michael J. Fox office experience went out the window. Instead I mesmerized myself with the optical illusion privacy window next to the door.

The interview, as I said, went well. Because of the privacy glass, the first thing I saw of my interviewer was her feet. She was wearing sandals, and her toes were painted a shade of red. I knew at the toes that this would be a casual interview and I was way over dressed. I was right.

In my defense, I have always believed that a person should look the most professional at the interview, and also my last job environment was VERY conservative.

Anyway, by mid interview I was pressing my boundaries. Meaning...I could tell that they were really interested in me, so I started getting cold feet. By mid way, they were practically signing me on, and so I decided to find out how relaxed they really were. So I was honest. Maybe too honest, but I really had nothing to lose.

I informed them that I have three children. A big interviewing no no. But my situation is kind of unique. I am working towards my degree in Business Management, so that I don't have to be the administrative assistant in a company for the rest of my life. And admin is the position I was interviewing for. Therefore, if I am going to "settle" for an admin job, then I need to make sure it won't conflict with my family life, and vice versa.

They weren't thwarted. So I also let them know that I am interested in growing professionally in the company, that I am concerned about lay off, and I would prefer to not work in accounting.

I also asked why the positions were open, if not for turnover reasons.

I think that they got the picture that it would take some consideration on my part to make a decision to begin work again. And flattery was the beginning. They got the flattery down well enough...and they'll be calling me tomorrow with some feedback o today's interview.

Now I just need to work through the rest of my issues.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Sympathetic Sleeper

As I lament over my computer woes, Tangerine sympathizes on my shoulder by taking a kitty nap. At least it looks like she is hugging me. That's all that matters.

[no, this is not a posed shot, she actually fell asleep on my back while I did my homework...she was just as interested in Small Business Management as I am]

Me Having Fit

I hate computers. Actually no, I don't hate them. They are wonderful tools of communication and information, as well as entertainment. But when they do not take the commands that their user is giving them it makes the user want to throw the frikking monitor out of the window.

I seriously need a newer/faster computer. Mine is OLD as far as computers go. And lately giving me all sorts of crappy problems. Which is SO not cool when trying to post one's homework. I've had enough of computer glitches tonight...I am not done with my homework, but I'm prepared to lose a few points in posting it late. (I submitted some extra credit for good measure)...

This of course started when Kimi nearly gave me a heart attack tonight when she pushed the neat-o green light on my computer tower shutting everything down while I was in the middle of editing my final project. Yes, tonight has been a series of mishaps...of which I care not to continue. 7 minutes until midnight.

I so don't want to go to work tomorrow....

She loves me!

Tangerine has officially declared her love for me. At least in my eyes. She attacks my hands when I am typing. When I pick her up she immediately starts to purr. She play wrestles with my hand as though I were another kitten. She alternates between gnawing and licking my fingers. But the most ardent of her where she chooses to sleep; on my desk, near me...more specifically on my mousepad, so that no matter what, at least every few minutes I will be forced to gently pet her.

Okay, she probably really only loves the fact that I feed her good kitten food, even warming it up for her a bit when it has been in the fridge.

I may be fooling myself, but I'm allowed.

Today has been...

Much needed house cleaning:

Vacuuming floors
Cleaning kitchen and bathrooms

...we still aren't finished.

Tonight will be homework homework homework.

I have once again managed to leave myself a small amount of time in which to finish a big project.

What's wrong with me??

Tomorrow will be going to work early, a job interview, a final exam, and then a funeral. More on that later.

Breastfeeding in Public Update

Please read this, for more information on the breastfeeding issue initiated in Chandler, AZ.

Also, watch this for some interesting comments on the matter as well.

Thank you eternal mommy for being my news source!

Kittens and Dogs

When I was a little girl,maybe 7 years old, my stepdad brought me home an orange and white kitten. I believe that he and his dad were doing some "cleaning" in the barns and he, knowing how much I love cats, spared one for me. I named him "Tuffy". I wasn't allowed to have pets in the house, so Tuffy stayed outside, in a box on our porch at night.

My step dad had two dogs at the time, Princess and Tanya...he kept them tied up outside, they were basically the type of dogs that you would imagine on a junk yard, used solely for the purpose of letting the owners know that there are intruders on the property. They were scrappers, meaning mutts. They weren't tame in the sense that they were trained to interact with humans, and if we let them loose from their tethers, they'd run and run.

My step dad wasn't fond of cats at all he'd just as easily shoot one as look at it, so giving me a kitten was an extra special thing. Well...the dogs sometimes did get loose from the chains [yes they were chained]. I guess the kitten, being it's kitten self became curious enough to hop out of the card board box and was playing around on the porch. It must have been driving Princess crazy. Being a part Malamute, and part wolf, with a drive for hunting small animals. She broke the chain, and Tuffy was no more.

I remember my step dad coming into my room that night, waking me up. He was crying. I guess maybe that little cat broke through his usual resentment of all that is feline. He told me that Princess got a hold of my kitten, and we both cried together. I remember my mom being mad at him for waking me up and telling me, as it was really late at night.

I don't remember talking about Tuffy to my parents ever again. I can imagine the details well enough right now, and I am thankful they spared me that. Perhaps after I fell asleep I sealed him up in a dream memory for safe keeping; swaddled in my blue blanket, where he couldn't get hurt.

A few years later my parents took me out to pick out a puppy of my very own, my stepdad refused to get another cat for obvious reasons. I was happy with my puppy, Bandit, but it wasn't the same type of happiness.

When Caleb came home last Sunday night with Tangerine, I almost cried seeing her cradled in Caleb's arm. I was flooded with memories of Tuffy, the joy I had upon receiving my very own kitten to love, and the pain of how a crazy wolf dog "got a hold of him" late at night while I slept peacefully in my bed, unaware.

I've been on pins and needles for the past few days wondering if Roxy's inner-wolf will kick in and "get a hold" of this little tigress. I've drilled everyone on not letting Roxy and Tangerine by themselves until she is a bit older and defend herself better. I guess after seeing this today, I may not have anything to worry about. Perhaps instead of her inner-wolf, Tangerine has triggered Roxy's inner-momma.

Here I am crying again. Sweet sweet little Tuffy, kitten of my childhood memories... Sandy loves you.


This is the very cool water park that the kids and I went to on Monday. Unfortunately the water was very cold, and the weather not really hot enough for our tastes. But we will be back again. On the bright side, there was a wooden castle playground on the other side of the park. We had a picnic lunch, then the kids played while I read my book "The Secret Life of Bees".

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Ooooh Shiney!

Zac and me messing around with the new toy. Caleb won a web cam at work for highest internet sales. Yay for goodies!!!


I just can't seem to shake it. Not even the incredible cuteness of a kitten can eat through the tiredness my body and mind have felt for the past week..or so.

I haven't done anything particularly strenuous...but I do know that I have a lot on my mind. Particularly the Small Business Management project that is due tomorrow night, which I have not yet finished.

And the several appointments that I need to keep in between now and then.

I'm half hoping that my Wednesday night appointment reschedules for another time...but we need the cash intake. So there lies my quandry.

I'm sure I'll survive.

I guess I'll be glad for the two week break between classes that I will receive after this class is over. If I could have taken it back I would that I mean...if I could have decided to not take a class over the summer...that is what I should have done.

Ah well. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. I hate that.

Ferocious Kitty

The kitten has worked her way into my heart so well, that I am amazed to think that I didn't know her until Sunday night. Of course, it's the baby-cat buddah belly that won me over.

She is a pouncer and takes her pouncing seriously. I am preparing myself to spend more money on panty hose because we don't intend to declaw her.

She is a lap cat in training. At first she didn't sit on us or near us when she slept. But we've extended the invitation, so that is where she likes to be when she snoozes.

She snoozes a lot.

The first night was quiet, she laid on my shirt in the bathroom, doors shut. With her kitty box and water nearby. Not a peep. However, since aforementioned invitation has been extended...last night she peeped until I caved in and let her cuddle on the bed. [Note: Rule #1 horribly broken] I know that there is no going back now...
unless of course she keeps me up all night again by pouncing on me.

She stretches [and lounges] as though she were a tiger.

Therefore, I have decided to keep her out of the loop that she is not a Ferocious Tiger. I think that being a cat she can afford to live the fantasy. Besides, why mess with the esteem of a creature that weighs in at less than a pound?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Happiness Is...

Receiving gifts from your personal secret wish list [you know the list...the angsty one that you won't reveal to anyone for fear it sounding stupid, but it is filled with symbolic and sometimes impractical desires]:

1. Claddaugh ring
2. Silver cross
3. Grimm's Fairy Tales
4. Surprise kitten

Don't ask me how he knows...

Reason #32 of why I married this man.

Caleb: I win!

Kassi: No, I did.

Move over Mouse...

Yes, this is a kitten sleeping on a mousepad. The mousepad has a "Persian rug" tiger skin print on it.

I hope that the humor does not escape YOU dear internet.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Meet Tangerine

When I woke up this morning I had no idea that by 10:00 PM I would be a new momma. Please meet Tangerine. Caleb adopted [and named] her for me while at the renaissance fair today. I have been wanting a cat for some time...not really needing one, but you know...who cares what you NEED...
Anyway, he has been fairly adamant on not getting any more you can imagine my surprise when he came home holding this little ball of fluff. She and Roxy have met...and it has gone well enough so far. Right now she is making mince meat out of some papers on my desk. She is smaller than the telephone on my desk and has the softest little belly. I have learned in the past two hours, that just as any other cat, she requires a lot of sleep and has curiosity and bravery beyond her size. Her mewling is barely a peep. Yeah, I'm smitten on this kitten. It probably has something to do with the fact that my very first kitty was an orange and white tabby. Caleb does know me very well, it's almost scary. And if you are wondering why he took the liberty of naming my kitty, just ask E. and B. how I am trying to decide what to eat at a much pressure. Trust me, it's better this way.

Waste of Day

I can't really put my finger on it, but today has slipped by with me doing almost nothing worthwhile. All of my best intentions out the window.

I should have written a list...since they are the only thing that seem to motivate me, obligate me to forward movement.

I'm not sure if it is that I am experiencing a low, or what. Days like these make me wonder if Zoloft isn't such a bad idea. Not that I am sad, just...blah.

Of course, yesterday I was rather, running around...I actually CLEANED OUT MY CAR. That is a feat in itself. Detail? I found a sesame seed and honey granola bar ground into the carpet that I know I purchased at a gas station last November. Yes, my car was THAT disgusting.'s all better now, vacuumed, disinfected, etc. etc.

I even started my artifact homework yesterday, which made me realize that I should have started it 3 weeks ago.

So, maybe today is just the down from all that work yesterday. Maybe.

Thankfully the kids have been in a lazy mood as well, and totally not holding me to a bike ride like I had originally planned.

Happiness Is...

Coming home!

The kids arrived home safely last night. Both with great tans, and smiles. The house is noisy again. Thank God.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Pixie Dust Memoirs

I met Caleb in 1999. We were auditioning for the MRF. My cousin, Chad introduced us. We were trying out for the parts of Oberon and Titania.

We became friends over the summer of 1999. We weren't awarded the roles of Oberon and Titania, but the MRF offered us parts in a troupe of Mummers. He was the bagpiper, and I played the part of a wayward fairy. We decided that our character's would be travelling companions. So was conceived Liam and Chrysalis.

We did not [nor did our characters] have any romantic involvement that summer, we were both seeing other people at the time, and because that was the first [though maybe not the last] time that I worked at the MRF, Liam and Chrysalis were no more.

My husband however, has consistently worked at the MRF since that summer. First as a Mummer, then as part of the Royal Court, and now as an independent entertainer playing bagpipe tunes in the fairways and running Pub Sing at the end of the day.

This is where he was at in the stages of his MRF career when we first started dating.

We began dating in July of 2002, and it was a slow process. Which was perfect because after leaving a very bad relationship, I needed time...and so did my children. A number of life realities kept us from seeing each other too much, and going too fast.

At any rate, every year Caleb still works at the MRF. Though, this year he will come home every night from the festival instead of crashing at a friends house who may be a closer commute.

Every season he tells me that he wishes I would come with him. I want to, but I hesitate and then it is too late. Auditions are done, the season is set...

He woke me up this morning to say good-bye before he left. He was dressed in his Renaissance gear, which included a kilt, a muslin shirt, sporran, and a wide belt with a change pouch, and small wooden drinking bowl. He looked the part of a hearty, well-traveled Highland Bagpiper, and my heart skipped a beat.

Something about my husband in a kilt makes me feel butterflied inside. As though, he could take my hand and lead me off to the beautiful rolling hills of Scotland...and when he looked at me this morning, I knew that he didn't see my bed head and jammies...but rather me dressed in a flowing gown of emerald green, with my hair a mess of curls and wild flowers, and maybe a pair of sun-kissed shimmering wings.

I will see my Caleb [Liam] tonight...but the feeling that I have this morning, is reminiscent of a much loved traveling companion going very far away for a very long time, without me.

It is at these moments that I very much wish I could find my pixie dust.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Happiness is...

A picnic for two.

Today Kimi and I shared our lunch outside on a blanket under the tree in our "back yard". It was very nice until the ants decided to invite themselves to the picnic as well. Our leisurely lunch was punctuated by outraged screams because the ants were crawling on our blanket. I have a feeling that I will have to toughen her up to the great outdoors a little bit. Otherwise our camping trip in October is going to be reaaaally fun.

Breastfeeding Directive in AZ

If you have read this...

Please read new developments here.

[compliments of eternal mommy]

It is my humble opinion that Americans [in general] are too queasy about topics like this. I marvel over the irony that public breastfeeding is offensive to people, however we have Hooters restaurants all over the place. Not to mention, breastfeeding shows no more breast than the Victoria's Secret's ads. Funny how if viewed in that light, the breast is perfectly acceptable. But if shown in this light, it's offensive.

Most of the nursing mothers I know make endeavors to be modest. But, sometimes that isn't possible. I would think that in Arizona, when the temperature gets high enough, you would have to worry about putting the baby under a blanket in order to stay covered.

I don't know all of the details [obviously] but I do think that it is extremely disheartening to cite someone for breastfeeding thier baby in public. I'm curious as to what the La Leche League would say about this.

The best solution would be that all of America accept that it is a natural, and healthy process, and make accomodations for breastfeeding mothers instead of requiring them to remand themselves at home, or in their car, or in public restrooms in order to feed their babies.

This site has has a lot of wonderful stories of women overcoming the stigma of public breastfeeding...and receiving a lot of support doing so.

How to Test My Patience

...give unsolicited advice on how to manage my blog. Yeah...that's a good idea.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Deadly is the Coffee [Film Noir Style]

It was another day in dullsville, or more specifically, morning paperwork.

My stomach began to whisper to me at 9:30 AM and was screaming at me with the adamance of a Veruca in Willy's Factory by 10:30 AM. With another hour and a half left to go, I knew I was giving in.

Choices were few and far in between, but my stomach knew what it wanted, though my brain resounded with protest. My stomach won, and the next thing I knew I was holding a tall cup of rancid coffee and a 5 month old knock-off-brand of creme-filled chocolate cupcakes from the vending machine.

It was a regret-filled behavior reminiscent of satisfying a craving for McDonald's Big Mac and fries. Unstoppable. Undeniable.

Even as I sipped at the the lukewarm coffee; whose bitterness eminated staunchly, regardless of the valiant but futile attempts of to lessen the sharp stab of black death accosting my palate, with extra cream and sugar... I wondered why why why?

The taste, still clinging to my teeth like tar, my stomach was not deterred. There was still one more cupcake left. My hands and mouth played patsy to an unforgiving stomach as my eyes disbelieved.

The film of grease on the package left by the consumed confection was like picking up an after dinner mint from a bowl that had never been cleaned. I tossed it away, disgusted; with the wrapper...with myself.

Then, like a bad memory that will overcome me later with a feeling of urgency and unease, I tried to forget. But no sooner did I try, was I recalling the sad, sickly taste in my mouth. Something had to be done...

With no other card to play, I called upon a 2-piece serving-sized curiously strong powerhouse.

Ensconced in red and gold regalia, and packing a punch, it was no holds barred. Had I not been the victim I may have felt bad as the piercing taste of cinnamon melted through the rancorous coffee residue like a hot knife to butter. In a matter of seconds my mouth was stinging fresh, and my hands were back to work. The forces of light prevail once more.

Thank you Cinnamon Altoid chewing gum...thank you.

The end

100 Wonderful things I know about my Honey Bear: )

100+ things about me, written by my husband!

1.You Love Chocolate, In all its forms.
2.Milk Chocolate is your Favorite
3.You make THE best Hot Chocolate
4.You are wonderful to cuddle with
5.You are the best cuddley human being in the WORLD
6.When I am with you and you are in my arms all the worries of the world fall away.
7.You are the greatest kisser of all time
8.Your favorite color is pink
9.Anything that is pink you will collect it and HAVE IT!
10.You can cook ANYTHING and make it taste good
11.You can even make romen noodles into a delicacy
12.You enjoy cooking knew things
13.You wish you could go back and live in Hawaii ( I don’t blame you )
14.Your creative talent ranks with the masters
15.You could write many New York Times best Sellers
16.You stick to your guns
17.No one messes with you or your kids!
18.You are sweet and feminine but Hot and sassy!
19.You could be a movie star.
20.You don’t like things dirty
21.You are obsessed with keeping things clean!
22.You despise “white-trashiness!”
23.You story tell
24.And you Story tell very well! You are my Favorite!
25.You know how to get things done
26.and get them right the first time
27.Hard work is not a problem for you.
28.Betty Boop is one of your ICONS!
29.You care about others.
30.You send Birthday cards to ALL our relatives.
31.You won't admit it but you are a computer geek.
32.You enjoy Depeche Mode, and peter Gabriel among many others.
33.You think 80’s music is the BEST! ( I would agree)
34.You want to be a dancer on stage or in a show .
35.If you had your chance you would also be a singer and have an album
36.You love solving puzzles.
37.You love to solve mysteries and enigmas
38.You can outwit many.
39.Your humor is like mine only more intelligent.
40.You strive to be the best.
41.You would love to sit in an old house staring out the window.
42.You would write with pen and ink while staring out the window while it was bright and sunshine outside.
43.You would write in the middle of the woods!
44.You love rainy warm days.
45.Rain and thunder at night are romantic to you
46.You love to cuddle by a fire.
47.You love the bright sunshine.
48.You love to hike in the woods.
49.You love camping.
50.You WOULD climb trees if there were any to climb.
51.You think it would rock to have a home in the Trees!
52.You are a Johny Depp fan (admit it)
53.You wish you could fly.
54.You wish you could be a fairy and have wings!
55.You like drawing when your imagination hits you
56.Ice cream is essential.
57.Peanut Butter: You could eat it all day with a spoon.
58.You don’t want to live anywhere that doesn’t have trees.
59.You are afraid of the dark.
60.Dark water DOES scare you.
61.Even Deep swimming pools.
62.Sea monsters and sharks are creepy.
63.Even fake ones on display
64.Autumn is your favorite.
65.Halloween is the most fun for you.
66.You give generously of yourself.
67.Sometimes more than you should.
68.When on business you like to dress professionally.
69.You are NOT a slob.
70.You have a heart for stuffed animals.
71.You care about them and there well being!
72.You care about people you love.
73.You would go totally out of your way for them.
74.You don’t like to be looked down upon.
75.You don’t like to be interrupted.
76.or condescended
77.You love children.
78.You can jump into their funny little world.
79.And talk on their level
81.You are THE MOMMA BEAR.
82.You are my Honey Bear.
83.You are an understanding person.
84.You are an understanding mother.
85.You let your kids think and figure things out.
86.But you direct them from stupid decisions.
87.You are the best mom any kid could ask for.
88.You love Romantic Comedies
89.You love the world of Fantasy Make believe but keep one foot in reality
90.You Love music and many forms of it
91.You love to dance when the mood hits you
92.You want to go to Paris, France
93.You want to travel Europe in a balloon ride.
94.You wish you had your own Hot air balloon
95.You would love to Learn to speak French , Spanish, and Italian.
96.You want to buy an old Victorian house and fix it up.
97.You love Doll Houses.
98.You are a shutter Bug.
99.You like to have your things organized.
100.You like to entertain and have people over at the house.
101.You have beautiful Raven Black hair!
102.You have perfectly soft skin!
103.Your big, beautiful, brown eyes capture my soul when I look into them
104.It makes me fall more in love with you.
105.You have the perfect figure any man could ask for!
106.You are the most wonderful wife.
107.You are my best friend and soul mate.
108.The Lord Jesus has saved you.
109.You are a changed person because of it.
110.You are happy.
111.And you love me, I love you too.

100 Things About Me List!

1. My dream job is to be a river guide. But I highly doubt that will ever happen...
2. I just realized 4 days ago that I am a David Bowie fan.
3. I don't like talking on the phone. I love writing letters, and receiving emails.
4. I get hooked on video games, and internet novelties very easily...
5. Which is why I avoid them as much as possible.
6. I like cleaning my house.
7. I will be very very glad when I finally graduate college...
8. Because I have very little energy or ambition to do my coursework.
9. I am a stay at home mom.
10. I got married for the first time at age 18.
11. 7 years and 2 children later I was divorced.
12. I have been diagnosed with depression...
13. But I am not taking medication by choice...
14. Because I am more afraid of the side effects of medications than the actual diagnosis.
15. When I hear a good song on the radio, if I can't immediately get up and dance I daydream that I am in a choreographed music video.
16. I was in band.
17. I played the oboe, flute, and bassoon.
18. I can't remember how to play any of those instruments, though I would like to re learn to play the oboe and the flute.
19. I've never used drugs...

20. Except when prescribed.
21. I used to be a cat person, then I was a dog person.
22. Now I'm just a person.
23. I roleplay.
24. I used to be a story teller in a live chat for White Wolf.
25. I am recovering from that experience just fine thankyou.
26. I hate being tickled...
27. Because when I was very young I was pinned down and tickled until I cried...and even then they didn't stop.
28. Mucus freaks me out...
29. Therefore I dread sinus infections and colds.
30. My children are all at least 4 years apart...
31. But I wish that they were closer in age.
32. I want to have another baby...
33. Maybe two...
34. And I will not even have caught up with my great aunt who has seven children.
35. I like taking photos.
36. Of anything.
37. It makes me sad when no one takes photos of me.
38. But I don't photograph well, so maybe it is for the best.
39. When I was younger, I decided that I would always have ice cream in my freezer....
40. Today I wish I had stuck to my guns on that one.
41. My favorite ice cream is: chocolate with peanut butter swirls.
42. My favorite book is the Thesaurus.
43. Followed by the Dictionary.
44. Funny, I don't own a thesaurus, and my dictionary is an old battered paperback.
45. I used to have a tree fort.
46. I only have 3 first cousins.
47. I'm a terrible procrastinator.
48. I love pens...
49. I'm always looking for new and interesting ones.
50. I also love paper...
51. Don't take me to a stationary store unless you intend to let me look and buy.
52. I have several different handwritings...
53. I tried to decide on one, but couldn't.
54. My favorite word is 'mercurial'.
55. I have never broken a bone.
56. I have also never jumped out of a plane.
57. I want to jump out of a plane.
58. I wear glasses.
59. I want contacts, or to get my eyes lasered. [say "lasered" like Dr. Evil]
60. I like going to comedy clubs.
61. My grandmother's laugh used to embarrass me because it was loud...
62. Now I strive to laugh like her.
63. I appear more ambitious than I really am.
64. In fact sometimes I am downright lazy.
65. I pray a lot.
66. I used to love climbing trees.
67. I think I would still love it if I had a tree to climb.
68. I am afraid of the water.
69. I am also afraid of the dark.
70. Dark water freaks me out inconceivably.
71. I swear when I am angry.
72. I despise pornography.
73. If I go back to work, I would like to be helping people.
74. Whenever a child cries in the store, I always look to see if they need help.
75. If they do, I help them.
76. My sister was lost while at Disney World once...
77. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
78. I regret not being a better big sister.
79. I was a bully to my cousins when I was younger.
80. I regret that very much.
81. I've apologized.
82. I love crayons, they make me very happy
83. I love the smell of old books.
84. One of my favorite places on a summer day is stretched out on a freshly made bed while the sunshine pours through the windows above me.
85. I should have been a cat.
86. I love home made Italian Food.
87. I also love Mexican Food.
88. I also love hot dogs with mustard, relish, ketchup and a side of potato chips.
89. I'm hungry right now.
90. My favorite beverage is Coca Cola in the glass bottles.
91. I prefer Bed and Breakfast over Hotel.
92. I will never be the mom I want to be.
93. But I am learning to be content with the mom that I am.
94. I love that true happiness comes in small doses on mundane days.
95. I can bait a hook.
96. I don't mind getting muddy.
97. I sometimes think I know more than I should...
98. And other times I know that I am completely clueless.
99. I miss the fresh tomatoes in my mom's garden growing up.
100. My favorite season is Autumn.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


There are several people in my dining room right now...they are making strange wookie noises and laughing.

I'm hiding in my office. Just thought the internet should know.

Telephone Negotiations

A few days ago I decided that I would get one of those "pay as you go" phones. I am not a big fan of cell phones, or any phone for that matter, I like my ability to be under the radar, unreachable, unfindable. That way, when I am out...I am O-U-T..out...

However, I also know the convenience of having a cell phone, say when the tire goes flat and I am stranded with a screaming child alongside a highway. Said cell phone would come in handy.

That isn't the reason I bought a cell phone though. I bought one for professional reasons. That is neither here nor there. The actual complication of buying a cell phone is the three year old.

Being as astute as she is realized that mommy is buying a phone. Therefore she must have one as well. When the three year old must have something, she MUST have something. Kimi has perfected the art of 'pre store' negotiations and 'in-store' manipulation.

I am also not a big fan of buying toys for non-occasions. So, you see my dilemma. I am not just going to buy the kid a phone for no reason. She has to 'earn' it. Therefore I stipulated that I would buy her a phone if she would keep her pull-ups dry. [This is all irrelevant of course, we already know who is in control..the fact that she lets me feel that I am is an indication of her superiority]

She has been doing great with the other bodily function [mainly because she hates diaper rash], and I believe that we will be going to get her ears pierced this weekend. But, she has trouble keeping dry. [More like, the frikkin pull-ups do too well a job]

So I made an agreement with the three year old. [The three year old made an agreement with me that she will later reneg on]

We went to Target to check out our respective phones. We had choices so it took a little time to figure out what we were going to walk away with. I bought the cheapest 'go phone' I could get my hands on, and Kimi picked out the dark gray 'record a voice' cell phone in the children's section.

Both of our phones together cost less than $25.00. As I said, not a fan, not spending the big bucks for it. [The fact that her phone was more than half the cost of mine should have been an indication to me that I should have just bought myself a 'record a voice' phone as well]

Anyway...She has been happily playing with her phone for the past 24 hours. I believe that she slept with it last night. Mine isn't even out of the package.

I am considering taking it back.

I'm not even sure why. I should probably keep it and if nothing else, give it to my son. [HAHAHAHA]

I suppose this ties into why I don't have cordless phones in my house. If the phone rings in the other room, and I'm busy...I don't feel very obligated to run and pick it up...and when I am on the phone I can always employ the excuse "Kimi is getting into something in the next room, gotta go".

I know that I never was this way with phones before email. I used to spend hours on the phone chatting. Not any more. I am not alone though, I know that many other people have 'phone aversion', preferring the efficiency of email. Perhaps that is why it takes me so long to get around to making business calls.

My daughter, however doesn't have phone aversion. She is fascinated by the telephone. She hasn't been keeping to our agreement very well...but prying the phone from her hands is more of a chore than one would first suspect. I mean she is only three...who could have guessed that she has perfected the maneuver "Kung-Fu grip"?

In order to compromise...because we are not experiencing a break down in negotiations...she sits on the toilet with her phone.

I hope that this, among many other things, will be something she grows out of.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Melty Cheese

  • 1/2 lb of colby/jack cheese sitting in a warm car, or locker for a day and a half.
  • 1 box of Wheat Thins [Big] crackers
  • 4 ravenous people

I'm not sure if it would have mattered if the cheese had stayed out for 4 days, we may have ate it anyway. Thankfully it WAS okay to eat. And now I have a new recipe....though I will probably forgo putting the cheese in my car to make it the perfect consistency to slice with a cracker.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Cedar Point: 135 Years of Fun

Millennium Force Trio

End of Day

Love Love Love

Sweet Endings

Bad to the Bone

"It's not so much that I lost consciousness, it's that I was blind and immobilzed"...................... -B. on the Millennium Force

I'm not sure that any one word could sum up the events of this past weekend and our trip to Cedar Point and Soak City.
It definitely rocked, in that there is no doubt. But an adventure isn't complete without it's low points as well.

Our trek to Ohio started out at 7:00 on Saturday morning. Amazingly, Caleb and I were both awake enough to engage in conversation at the time. We were both very excited to be away and enjoying another excursion to the World's Greatest Amusement Park.

E. and B. hadn't been to Cedar Point in about 10 years, so we were happy to reintroduce them to all of the new rides and thrills.

Our first coaster was The Mine Ride. A very mild ride, small hills, just silly fun. Of course, on this type of ride you must be careful of obnoxious patrons screaming for dear life while going down what would constitute as speed bumps in the roller coaster world. I'm not exactly sure WHO was doing THAT, but they didn't make any friends. In fact, some of the other riders set out to purposely avoid the inappropriate screamer for future rides, we'll name no names...

Caleb and I, collectively aren't afraid of any of the rides. One of us will go on any of them. However separately we both have our limits. Caleb doesn't like rides that go around and around, and I get a little freaked out when it comes to heights, but even then I can be convinced to go. I give in to peer pressure way too easily.

Most of the rides do scare me. And I noticed this time around that I had a knee-jerk reaction every time I was strapped into one of these torturous contraptions we call thrill rides, I wanted out. O-U-T out. I immediately wanted to raise my hands and yell "No...wait, I've changed my mind...I don't want to be whisked away and hurtled 300 feet into the air, and then come spinning back down again, over and over" But the words never left my mouth in time, and off I shot.

Afterwards though, it's pure exhileration, and I would go back to ride again...had it not been for the incredibly long lines.

Cedar Point was p.a.c.k.e.d. Fortunately B. made the executive decision that we would get Freeway Passes for the Millenium Force. [such an awesome idea]. This meant that if we came back to the ride between 7 and 8 PM we would be able to by-pass most of the wait and ride the ride. The cost? A 15 minute wait in a long line to get our hands stamped.

15 minutes well spent.

We rode the
Millennium Force twice in one hour...the people who were waiting in line that we by-passed saw us enter the ride for a second time while they continued waiting for 2.5 hours [or more].

This led to us strategizing the best ways in which to enjoy our time at Cedar Point the next time around. Especially since we had spent 1.5 hours in the line waiting for
The Raptor. [A great ride, but the wait just KILLS you...especially since only a 1/4 of the wait is in an actual shaded area]. Thankfully there WAS music in which to dance to, or heckle depending on our mood.

The sun beat down on us unforgivingly for most of the day, and after spending another 3 hours waiting on rides that lasted for only 3 minutes of our day, [
Wicked Twister and Disaster Transport] we decided to ride the train around the park, not once, but twice. I caught a nap during that hour...which prepared me to face the Millenium Force.

E. decided to forgo the 310 ft. drop, and walk around the park while B., Caleb and I partook of the madness. Again, I came close to copping out at the very last minute, especially since a big burly man chickened out, and while were in line we saw them cleaning the seats from someones 'accident'. but by the time my voice got to me I was already moving. Staring at the sky actually, because of the incline you literally lay back a bit.

Suffice it to say that the Millenium Force continues to deliver the smoothest, most exciting experience in the entire park. Caleb instructed B., who had never ridden the M.F. before to just relax and let yourself 'go'. We don't suggest letting yourself relax TOO much though..[see title quote for this post]. I know why people wait for hours to ride it, but I am glad that we had the free way passes.

I am also glad that we brought 2 packs of Propel drinks with us and stored them in the lockers so that we could go back any time we wanted and rehydrate ourselves for half the cost than it would to buy water whenever we became thirsty. --Cont'd--

Part II of Cedar Point Adventure

Caleb and I are becoming somewhat expert on summertime Cedar Point patronage...and once we are good enough, we will brave bringing Kimi with us. Until then, we will perfect our strategies.

For instance, next summer we will probably park near Soak City instead of the main gates. The lockers at Soak City are free to open and close all day long [in Cedar Point you have to pay each time you open your locker]. Also, if we do a Cedar Point/ Soak City combo we can go to the water park during the hottest part of the day and stay cool, and then go back to the amusement park later on when it isn't so scorching hot.

At any rate, these are all ideas that we mulled over during our trip...I like to make things as efficient and enjoyable as order to get max ride time.

Soak City was a blast! Caleb and I have never been, and I would definitely go back again. The water slides are a ton of fun, but I really liked the river floats, complete with waterfalls. The last ride the four of us went on was
Zoom Flume. I was seriously having flashbacks of my white water rafting days. I loved it! Trying to flip the sides of the raft up to the highest points of the slide was especially fun when punctuated by everyone's whoops and laughter.

In any trip you take there are bound to be mishaps...and to be sure, E. and I experienced our respective fears, which brought us to tears. Hers was more understandable than mine--not wanting to be pressured into riding something that would make her throw up...mine was more of a mucus thing. I probably over reacted, but my imagination is really really good. I think that we should have received a free breakfast out of it.

Oh, and the restaurant experience with Kassi isn't complete without her changing her mind several times within one sitting on what she wants to eat and drink. Food is a decision I take seriously, and I just can't handle the pressure.

We also endured a hotel room, that after emptying a bottle of Febreeze, smelled like someone put a flower in an ashtray. Unfortunately, all the hotels that weekend were BOOKED. So we got stuck with a smoking room. Thankfully we were too tired to complain...much.

Lastly, of our more odious adventures was Ohio roads. We as Michiganders are used to poor road conditions, and construction everywhere--but our road crews are efficient, and usually only block off areas that are being worked on, and take signs down when areas are finished...and provide detours that make some sense.

Ohio doesn't practice any of this. So we drove in circles for a little while before we were able to acclimate ourselves to the Ohio dyslexia that their highways suffer.

Oh...and Caleb was able to cop out of doing
Rip Cord with me. He has been promising for 3 years. But he finally broke down and admitted that he is too c.h.i.c.k.e.n. to do it. I don't really blame him. I'll probably be all strapped in ready to go, and the second they start towing me up...I'll change my mind.

Overall though, the trip absolutely rocked. This is our second trip with B. and E. and I am looking forward to many more. As Caleb said earlier, it's nice to have good friends who are willing and able to get out and do things with us [when we can], and share in the adventures. I agree wholeheartedly. Friendship is a blessing. And we are blessed.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Scattered Leaves

I know that Caleb and I need to get away sometimes and just have fun. But it doesn't stop me from missing my kids the second that they are away from me.

The house is quiet...empty, except Caleb and I. We are going to have a blast this weekend...but...

But I still miss my kids, to the point of tears. I guess I like to have everyone close where I can reach them, and not scattered in different directions.

Like leaves we are blown
In the wind all directions
my arms stretch to catch you

Thursday, August 04, 2005


We will be here this weekend. This time without the children...which can only mean...


My head is spinning. I think I am going to puke and I haven't even arrived.

All day long I have had songs from "Grease" playing in my head...

We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dongRemembered forever as shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boomChang chang changity chang shoo bop that's the way it should beWaooo Yeah

I am hoping that Caleb and I will resume our long standing tradition of creating new and amazing amusement park rides to see who has the best and most dangerous idea. Some of our ideas have been pretty good...others have undoubtedly been...'off'...for instance.."The Guillotine" pretty much speaks for itself.

Yes, we will be the two loud, crazy, dancing [yes there will be dancing], laughing fools who you are certain have been let loose from the asylum for a field day.


Don't let anyone know I told you that. Especially our unsuspecting friends who will be accompanying us on this escapade of exhilarated emancipation.

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa,They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.To the happy home. With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basketweavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they'recoming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!

Been Crowned

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Simple Bots

Today was bathing suit shopping, homework reading, and swimming in the pool...

Tonight is more homework reading, straightening up the house, taking a walk, and [maybe] watching a movie. We were suppose to go to a concert, but alas Caleb has the car seat. I'm not fussed.

Right now Kimi is zonked out on the floor from our escapade to the pool. I should take her swimming more often. It means quiet time for momma.

I'm tired, and my mind wanders more when I am tired. But it is a good tired. A not fussed tired. A content tired. A tired that lets me know I have moved my body [exercise], and it was good.

Sometimes I wonder how I can be happy with things being this simple. And then I realize that I am just not jealous of being on the go all the time. I don't want to say I am sedentary. Not even close. But I have certainly slowed down--and that is okay. I see more this way.

Bono Rocks

One more reason to love U2. Read this.

A Little Red

I did it! Or rather, we did it!

We went to a specialty lingerie store and did bathing suit shopping for me!

After running across this tiny shop last Sunday, I made a mental note to check it out this week prior to our trip to Cedar Point. Especially since there is a good chance we will be going to the water park on Sunday...

Not to mention, as of late I have been making plans to take the kids to other water parks in our neighborhood, so that means I had better come up with a bathing suit, or shut up.

So the experience at Sunny J's [the lingerie store] was what one would expect when walking into an establishment owned by women for women. There will be no bashfulness allowed. I was helped by a woman who has experience in cutting through the bull crap and telling people what they should like, rather than the other way around. It was nice because well, I had no idea what would look good on me. She did.

I decided to get it over with right away and start with the bikini's, and work my way down to a one piece. I'll have to admit that while I am not super model svelt, I didn't look as horrific as I thought I would in a bikini, which is only to say that I looked two steps better than a sea cow squeezed into a tube sock.

The owner, who helped me with sizing and picking out prints was really keen on selling me an animal print bikini. But Caleb was totally against it.

The first thing he said when he saw me was "Okay Betty Page". Now some men might think that is a good thing, but Caleb was thinking of our children and having to be seen in public with me...[or more like the public seeing me]. So the animal print was out. In retropect this was probably good advice, being that sea cows don't need animal prints.

I really liked the charcoal bikini. It was chic. But I tried picturing myself playing on the waterslides, or playing volley ball in it, and wasn't practical, or pretty.

Not to mention the price tags were outrageous. $80 just for the top. The bottoms were another $47. Caleb turned white as a sheet looking at the tags. Fortunately his color returned when he learned that all the suits were 1/2 off.

My husband isn't cheap, he is just inexperienced in the expenses of woman-care. Face it, women are expensive. I'm not stupid. I've come to this realization a long time ago. The only time a woman is inexpenisive is if she does absolutely nothing to take care of herself. The hygiene products alone put us in a higher expense bracket than men.

Anyway, I/We decided on a nice red one. Mainly because of the way Caleb's eyes lit up when he saw it on me. There was no hesitation. He said "I like it". So that is the one I brought home.

I'm really happy with the decision on the red one, actually the label name is "poppy". It's sporty, it's cute, it's comfortable, I won't feel awkward wearing it in front of my kids. It's not a true bikini, it's a tankini with boy shorts...which means I can hide my battle scars [i.e. mommy marks] and still feel like I'm not wearing a circus tent.

It will be a long time before I am brave enough to show my belly button. But at least in my lifetime I can say that I had a red bathing suit.

Photos? No...the camera puts on 10 lbs, and well...I'd like to live in my fantasy bubble until after tankini season is over.

Had I Been

I have been pondering motherhood, the responsibility of it, and the impact that parents [adults] have on children's lives.

Here are some of the lessons that I want my children to learn prior to being an adult...then maybe they will know how to keep themselves from harm.

1. God loves you no matter what.
2. I love you always.
3. Because of facts 2 and 3, you are priceless, so don't let anyone treat you less than this.
4. I will always be here for you.
5. Mistakes, many of them, are not only okay, but necessary.
6. Be kind to others, even if they aren't kind to you. At least then you can feel good about your contribution in the situation.
7. Have good hygiene. Too many people don't take care of themselves, and it shows.
8. If in doubt, ask questions.
9. Give hugs to those you love.
10. Don't be afraid to say "I love you".

I wonder if I had been shown how valuable I was to God, would I have been inclined to get involved in damaging relationships. Had I been taught my worth...would I have valued myself more?

Who knows...but what I DO know is that I want my own children to feel their worth every time they look in my eyes.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

I just finished reading some posts about the BlogHer thingy [convention/seminar/forum/cult] out west. In my reading, I started clicking on links to other women bloggers, particularly women who are moms.

I am a little overwhelmed over the gratuitous use of the word 'f--k'. And the light heartedness that the writers take on thier apparent need for large quantities of alcohol.

I thought to myself...gosh I guess I should be racier, use expletives more often, and perhaps get inebriated once in a while. Maybe then I will be popular.

Then I reconsidered. I'm not blogging so that people will like me. It seems popularity in anything has its price. Even in the blogosphere.

Motherhood isn't easy. But I don't want my children to look back on my writing and think that I was messed up because of them. Me being messed up, I did that quite well all on my own.

Happiness Is

Sharing an entire pint of Whole Fruit Raspberry Sorbet with your three year old daughter while watching Bridget Jones's Diary.

We both had our own spoon.

Wrestling with Me

I am wrestling with myself.

It seems that most of my life has been spent working, to the point that I really don't know anything else. Or at least, I don't feel comfortable with anything else.

I have been officially, and gainfully employed since the age of 16. And even when I didn't have to work, I still sought employment.

My first real job was as a busperson at a swank restaurant. I was 16, cute, and had no car. I relied on my parents for a ride to and from work. It was part time, and mostly fun, but it was my first taste of having my own hard earned money. In a way, it was my first taste of freedom.

I have held numerous jobs in my working career. Ranging from really cool [English Instructor while living in Japan & CPR/First Aid Instructor], to not worth mentioning [ehem...NOT worth mentioning]. But each had one common quality...I got paid for my work.

Now, I am a stay at home mom, after working for so long, it is something that I have tried to settle in to. It hasn't been an easy transition. Even with my first child, staying at home was also part of my business. I ran a home day care, so I was still working, but at home. I still felt useful.

Granted, I have not had a high opinion of stay at home mothers all of my life, so for me, this change was pretty significant. I have never felt that it should be one adult's obligation to financially support another able bodied adult.

The problem with this thinking is that obviously you need to sacrifice something. And because they are young, trusting, and have to go with whatever you say...the kids are the ones who end up being sacrificed, which is no good either.

There is no easy solution to this. None at all.

After my divorce I decided that I could be the breadwinner, support my children, and essentially bought into the theory of "you can have it all". But that is one. big. fat. lie. You CAN'T have it all. Especially if "ALL" includes a full time job.

[ESPECIALLY if you have involved yourself with a no good boyfriend who is perfectly willing to suck up your time, money, and have you support them for four years without so much as a thank you--yes I was this dumb]

Lesson learned. [on both counts]

So, I have tried this stay at home mom stuff for about 9 months now. And to be honest, I suck. s.u.c.k.

I love my three year old, but I still fight the urge to spend my time working on projects rather than spending time with her. I am not sure how some women do it without taking medication. And by "IT" I mean, devote every waking hour entertainining and educating their children.

I guess I still need too much "me" time. Or maybe I am just not perky enough. I always feel that I am not doing enough. And I know I am not. I spend way too much time at this computer. If it isn't blogging, it is doing homework. And why am I doing homework? To get a degree. Why am I getting a degree? To acquire a better job. So that I can set myself up to be away from home. Of course, if it isn't homework, it is some other inane distraction, like reading a book...or whatever.

I cannot win.

I just think that too much time with me won't do them any good. I am beyond the point of opening up a home daycare, I would like to hold on to what remnant of sanity I have left. And it isn't the kids so much as the parents, trust me.

My dilemma:

Stay home and try to be a great stay at home mom and house keeper? And at the same time be a financial burden...


Go back to work and be a mediochre mom and housecleaner, but relieve my husband of some of the financial burden?

I've got the house cleaning thing d.o.w.n., almost to the point of considering starting a house cleaning business. [hmmm]

It's the stay at home momming that I am coming up short. way short.

Again, I am not sure how women do it. I know that it has something to do with play groups,Yoga, and vodka, but I haven't the cash for any of those...and without the right combination, the results could be terrifying.

Maybe I am thinking too much into all of this, and that the time my child spends watching Dora the Explorer, Jimmy Neutron, and Lazy Town, really aren't turning her brain to mush. [By the way Robbie Rotten is my favorite]

Don't get me wrong, I do read her a book every day. I do play music and we dance. We take a walk once a day...and sometimes we color. But after that...what else do I have in common with a three year old?! I'm a failure, I just know it.

If I were suppose to be paying me, I'd fire me.

I do know that if I don't come to terms with all of this soon, I will find myself back in the office feeling just as guilty for not being with my kids as I do when I am forcing them to be with me.