Monday, February 28, 2005

Caleb is funnier than Canada

Last night we went to our friends Ben and Erin's house. Who we commonly refer to as Red Ben and Erin we have mulitple friends by the names of Ben and Erin. I's strange.

Ben and Erin do not have any children--yet. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that Erin would not be altogether opposed to the idea. However, adamant...I mean ADAMANT that he isn't ready yet. And I believe him.

Anyway, before going to Ben and Erin's house...I had the "talk" with my kids. Something that I wish Kimi would take part in, understand and adhere to, but she is only 2, so my words are like smoke to her. I told my children that they are to behave...that we are going to someone's home...not Chuck E. Cheese...we are going to someone's home...not a playground. They must be on their best behavior...they must be quiet and act nicely. While I am not very concerned about my son being is the "girls" that I worry about. [There will be many more posts about the "girls" and why if you have two of them you know EXACTLY what I mean].

Just before leaving the son made the statement "As far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family"...I think that sums it up very well. So, we headed out to unleash ourselves on our friends new apartment.

It was a really good time, and by really good time I mean that the food was excellent [great chili], our friends were excellent and forgiving hosts...and we laughed our heads off most of the night.

The highlight of the night was during our game of Apples to Apples. For anyone not familiar with this game...go take a will do the game better justice than me trying to describe it to you right now.

About half way through the game, we knew we were sunk. Abi [the seven year old] was killing us. This enraged my son...who [like me] is very competitive. The adults, upon realizing this decided to just get silly. Unfortunately for us [the adults] Abi used the fact that she was winning to start getting cocky, and Ben, in a momentary slip up misread the word "future" for "furniture" to which Abi responded "I can read it and I'M SEVEN"!

Meanwhile, while we are playing we first kept Kimi at bay by putting in Shrek, who is now the new Nemo. That entertained her for about an hour...with intermissions of her and Kessel [their dog] fighting. Mostly Kessel trying to lick Kimi's face--it serves the kid right for being a messy eater.

It was after Shrek was over that their house started to resemble a scene from Family Circus. This was because my "talk" before coming over had completely worn off and the children were comfortable--which I think scared the crap out of Ben. Thankfully Erin was able to curb Kimi's enthusiasm by letting her play with their Chakra-colored [metal] shotglasses. Now I have a new story to relay on how Kimi learned her colors.

In retrospect, I feel bad for Ben...unsuspecting Ben...whom Kimi, I know would probably eat for breakfast. I know that my kids can be overwhelming, they overwhelm me...but I doubt Ben was expecting or prepared to end the night by being "hit in the nuggets" by a two year old. To "soften the blow" she raspberried him, showed him her belly and tried to engage him in peek-a-boo. I informed him that this is how she shows her affection---I don't think he believed me.

At any rate, Ben and Erin are extremely fun to hang out with, and I am so glad that they invited us over. We ended the evening at a respectble time, and with our parting thoughts being of an x-ray of Kessels butt...poop filled butt to be exact. Good Times.

Oh...and just because I can, I have here a list of funny quotes/ topics in order of my personal favorites:

1. Toilet Babies! [there shall be a whole separate post on this topic]
2. Freckles ARE masculine...[Ben's affirmation moment]
3. Caleb is funnier than Canada! [A new T-Shirt logo for Caleb]
4. Look at me I'm Caleb and I'm SO funny...[Me after Caleb's attempt at witism]
5. She hit him in the the nuggets! [Erin, after Kimi hit Ben in the nuggets]
6. Kimi is the farthest thing from "Fresh" [Apples to Apples]
7. The Industrial Revolution is indeed "Revolutionary" [Apples to Apples]
8. Mom... quit helping Abi win [Zac getting frustrated]
9. Top it Kessel...[Kimi saying "stop it Kessel"]
10. You've poisoned me! [after Caleb was fed a wasabe peanut]

Caleb I love you, but you stink.

I don't know how many times I've walked into a room where Caleb is by himself, reading, looking at the internet, or playing tiddly winks...and the smell is just horrid. Like someone literally died. Ok, not just someone...a vagrant who rolled around in skunk juice just after swimming in raw sewage...[shudder].

And most likely I came into the room because he called to "show" me something.

I don't know how many times I have fallen for Caleb's version of "pull my finger" too many times to count I'd say. Anyway, I am happy to report that I finally got him back. Though I didn't call him into the room, he just walked in completely unawares. It didn't take long for him to get hit, and I just sat and watched as his face changed into five different expressions of revulsion and two different colors...he then he ran screaming from the room while clawing at the air.

That's what I call "Just Desserts".

Sunday, February 27, 2005

The Diaper Change

Me: It's your turn to change Kimi's diaper.

Caleb: No it's not.

Me: I did it once this morning, now it is your turn.

Caleb: No....

Me: Yes it is...I have a list of things for you to do today....Kimi did you poopoo?

Kimi: Noooo

Caleb: [whines] I just want to relax today...

Me: Oh yes you did..She did Caleb please go change her...[drinks tea]

Caleb: [reluctantly] Ok... [gets up and ushers Kimi to the bathroom]

Kimi: La la la

Caleb: Ohhh my gosh...oh my goshhhhh [convulses]

Kimi: La la la

Caleb: It's eeewwwwwwwww Kimi you are sick [gags several times]

Kimi: Papa you farted

Caleb: No you farted farted and pooped yourself...ooohh eewwwwww [gags]

Kimi: No you farted papa

Caleb: [panics] I touched it!!...oawwww [screams like a girl]...Gosh it's ON ME!!!! [gags some more]

Kimi: La la la...Me pooo pooo...[sings] A-B-C-D....

Me: I love Sunday mornings...

[By the way that was 10 minutes ago and Caleb is still washing his hands]

Midnight Muttering

It is very late [for me] and I have been doing homework since 3:00 this afternoon. I was suppose to go to my cousin's surprise birthday party...however, after proofreading my major report [started at 10:oo AM] and then beginning my final exam [at 3:00 PM] and then realizing [at 8:00 PM] that there is no way I was going to get to go to a party tonight, I had to stick it out at home and finish this crap. [Sorry Janie!! I so wanted to do Kareoke and have a Woodchuck tonight!]

So, I finally finished the test at 11:00 PM...and then had to move over to do my Accounting--which is basically writing up a one month summary using the entire accounting cycle, from journal to post-closing trial balance. I had one hour to complete it. Egads, why do I procrastinate so much?

My friend Erin came over for moral support, as Algebra is the worst subject for me, and she knows it. She even stayed until past midnight listening to me whine about accounting. My husband felt bad for me, because I actually was crying [prior to Erin coming over]. If I failed this stupid final exam I won't pass my class...and that would suck on so many levels.

At any rate, I have one more test to take before my Spring Break will officially start [tomorrow]. I also have to do my taxes before Monday so that I can apply for some grants to cover the school costs.

I spent most of the day cleaning the house...and doing homework. Thankfully it is all done. Of course, I am still doing laundry as I write-so I guess it isn't all done, technically.

Anyway, I am going to close up for the night, I have an early morning tomorrow...thankfully I don't have to cook tomorrow night. We will be invading Erin M's [not the same Erin that came over tonight] house and they will be cooking for US!! yay!

Over and Out...[I can actually feel my eyelids protesting the fact that they are still open right now]

P.S. Caleb I am sorry, I ate your Cadbury chocolate bar today...the one I bought for you yesterday. I couldn't help myself...and really it is your fault for leaving it here unattended. You should have eaten it right away. I can't be held accountable for chocolate that has been left alone for over 8 hours.

Saturday, February 26, 2005


"An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied"

-Arnold Glasgow

Ironically, I could not find very much information on this particular author, except for his extensive lists of quotes. Either all he did was think of ideas, or he actually lived life. If anyone knows this author, what he did in his lifetime etc...please share.

How to Peeve Me

Take the dishes out of the dishwasher and put them in the cupboards...when they are still dirty.

That way when I pour myself a nice tall glass of orange juice on a bright and sunny Saturday morning, I can see -chunks-of-curdled-milk- floating-up-just-as-I-am-about-to-empty-the-glass-into-my-mouth.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Fish are not Fat

Yesterday, I did what I said I would do, and I went to the pool to go swimming. That first entails getting everyone ready.

My bag was already packed with my suit, a towel, a sweatshirt, a bandana, and some pool shoes. I did this, went to the pool and learned that it was closed until "next tuesday"..."next tuesday" was two weeks ago, and there my bag sat next to the door taunting me everytime I passed by.

Procrastination out the door, the kids and I went to the pool. I was nervous of course...first that my bathing suit wouldn't fit me...but it did. Then that the shower water would be too cold, but it wasn't...then that the pool would be too cold...and it wasn' I had no excuse to not get into the water.

The kids had a blast, especially Kimi. She just let out thrilled little screams every once in a while as it was her only form of expressing how happy she was...obviously there were no words in her vocabulary to describe her jubilation. I thought her head would explode, thankfully it didn't.

There weren't any other people at the pool...which was nice. We didn't have to compete for water space. I hate that...going to a pool and there are tons of people romping around, splashing, [peeing] and otherwise having a good time...I just want to swim, at my own pace...without worrying that I will run into someone or they will run into me. This also meant that goggles could be warn without the worry of possibly seeing something that you would have preferred to never known existed.

I let the kids play "shark" a bit. Which was fun. Though Kimi soon learned all she had to do to get the shark [who was Zac] is to reach down over her floaty tube and grab his hair...and yank. She apparently has no fear of sharks. Me however, if there is even a hint of shark, I am so out of there.

Which brings me to my irrational fear of water.

I, like many people have seen Jaws. Though, I did one better, I read the book...when I was very young. Believe me, reading it is just as, if not more scary than watching it. I also saw the movie "Pirhana" at a young age.
At any rate, this led to my being very afraid of water...any water. I can still freak myself out in a bathtub without really trying.

I am sure that this has a lot to do with the fact that Hollywood has played upon this very real fear, which is basically vulnerability. Bear with me here...Naked in the bathtub=vulnerable/ Naked in the shower=vulnerable/ Swimming in large bodies of water with [non-human] creatures underneath you=vulnerable. Get my drift? back to me at the pool. I am alone with my kids at a public pool...My son is in charge of the two year old, and they are both sitting in the lounge chairs drying off and warming up. Abi is splashing around in the shallow end near them. So I am off to do my laps. [Que music for lead to horror scene]

Laps. They used to be so easy. I remember back when I was training to be a white water rafting boatman [not lying]...I could swim three lengths of an Olypic size pool in under 2 minutes. That's not bad for an amateur.

Lets just say..things are different now...the only thing truthful in that above statement as applied to today, is that I can still swim.

By halfway through the second lap, I was wearing down. So I stopped there, midway, kind of bobbing in the water looking at my kids who were drying off and playing. And then it struck me...if something were to say come out of the filters on the bottom of the pool...and suck me underwater...I would be a goner.

What would my kids do? Most likely Zac would follow me in to see if he can help...and then Abi would be left with Kimi...and Abi would not exactly watch Kimi very well, and then Kimi would go into the water and be hurt...or worse...then Abi would be left alone, and since Abi is the one most prone to fear of the boogeyman, it would render her unable to speak or function properly for the rest of her life.

I suddenly had the urge to shout out to Zac to not come into the pool, even if I were drowning...but I didn't want to alarm I didn't shout.

Instead I continued on with my laps, heart racing and trying to fight back the fear of the water. I changed swimming positions and started swimming on my back, looking at the ceiling as I swam. In retrospect that was foolish, because I had my back to the filters at that point--and wouldn't be able to see the tentacles coming at me--duh.

I know that in a pool, there is really no danger of something unknown coming up and grabbing you...but my imagination takes flight...and maybe under the pool in the EARTH there is something waiting...right? I've seen Tremors!

In the ocean it is a completely different thing. There most certainly IS something underneath you watching you with their little alien eyeballs, and don't get me started on lakes...the water is murky, and you can't even see the bottom--yet lake dwellers can navigate through that crap clear as day. Whats up with that??

Anyway, I managed to get about 7 laps in...before deciding that my imagination is just way too active for me to exercise. I got out of the pool nearly gasping and wheezing, from fear and from exertion. Swimming is hard work.

I now realize that this is probably what a FISH feels like EVERYDAY. Their reality is that at any given moment...something bigger and faster is going to EAT them. Therefore, the combination of fear and constant movement is the reason that fish are not fat.

Yes, I'll go swimming again...because I am working on a new diet and exercise based on fear. I'm pretty sure it will work...because survival is a pretty huge motivator.

A bit on blogging

I am rather new to the phenomenon of blogging, and most likely I will probably revamp my blog and do something different at some point. Like I stated before this is a trial run.

I didn't really get into reading blogs until about 2 months ago. A friend introduced me to and I started reading about her life adventures, thoughts and etc. from that day forward. Then I started to become a little adventurous and looked up some other blogs. I have found a few so far that keep me interested in coming back for more: Scott C. [of course] Brando and La Coquette to name a few.

Some get more traffic than others, but I read them for different reasons. Scott's I read so that I can keep up on my friends life, because the phone is a hassle. Brandon, is just a very intelligent and funny writer. I like his style. La Coquette, she lives in France--how cool is that?

What I am writing about now is that somehow in the nooks and crannies of the internet, I have found real people with real lives and stories...that are INTERESTING. What is more interesting [to me anyway] is that their lives aren't really much different than my own. We all go through crap, and we all survive. I wish I could be more eloquent in what I am trying to say...however plainly...I am enjoying this much more than I thought I would.

I don't get very many comments on my posts...and most are from people I know. That is okay with me. The extras that I get are pleasant surprises. However, I just want to reiterate that this blog is an outlet to share my thoughts...just like EVERYONE elses blog. And man...are there A LOT of thoughts out there. Yet, in ones drama is any more or less than the next persons. We just experience different things at different levels at different times of our lives. But we are all struggling to be heard, understood, accepted-whatever.

The internet has allowed for the next level of sharing those struggles. Sure, newspapers, journals and magazines provide us with a wealth of information, but those are filters. As long as there is an interviewer, the real story isn't there.

I was in a class recently where one of my fellow students spoke out emphatically against globalization. And I didn't get why they were so against it. I suppose if you look at it on the surface, all you are seeing is the possibility of cultures being wiped out and everything becoming the same. However, I do not see it that way. Globalization [to me] means the potential for a coming together of ways that connect us as human beings...and when there is connection...and the ability to identify...there is room for empathy.

My point of bringing that up is because the blogging community, regardless if that is the another venue for a coming together of many different people. Sharing stories has been practiced since the beginning of man. Storytelling is an integral part of human is interesting to see that whether we only have sticks and mud, or complex pieces of technology...humans are driven to share what they have experienced.

Ok...insightful interlude over...the two-year-old is up and looking for me...must feed the monster.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Personal Intervention and things that go OUCH in the night

This morning I woke up with a back ache. I am not sure how I could possibly pull something in my sleep, but I did. So all day I have been hunched over in achy pain. I could use this as an excuse as to why Kimi didn't get very much of my attention today, but lets face it folks, I have been letting the child rule the house for the past couple of months now.

I had good intentions. I was going to stay at home and teach her to potty train, do puzzles with her, teach her ABC's, numbers, and colors. I was going to PAINT with her EVERYDAY--and be Super Dooper Mommy.

I am not sure what happened to that original, beautiful and unadultered idea...but nothing of that sort has happened. I have done puzzles, colored, painted, sang ABC's, counted, and shown her colors...and even attempted potty training...but not every day. Somehow the time is still getting away from me.

I keep the house somewhat clean so that my husband will think that I am doing something during the day, but in actuality I am not. For instance I should be cleaning the bathroom right now...or doing laundry. But I am not. What is wrong with me? Is it the endless winter? Is it apathy? Is it that I am just stupid and lazy?

Yes, I am taking classes...but still...shouldn't I be doing more?

I obviously think I should be doing more. I mean...last year I was working full time, going to school full time, taking care of my kids and planning my wedding.


Okay maybe that was a bit too much to take on. So, now that I am barely doing anything...I feel like such a LOSER. I actually sit here and try to think of more things to do in order to reach that same level of busy-ness that I was at last year at this time--then I get overwhelmed with all the things I'm not doing. Maybe I AM crazy. Now there's a thought.

So, now I know why I am gorging myself on desserts...
[By the way...the two year old got into the fridge and DEVOURED the brownies...I walked in on a chocolate faced Kimi looking awful guilty. I was going to scold her but then realized she saved me]

On a completely separate note, Caleb and I will be playing in a game called EAU. If you don't know what that means, then you aren't suppose to.
So this means we will have an opportunity to get out...away from the evening a month. Elation!

So...back to me and my neurosis...

I know that I have to stop whining about it and just get off my considerably larger than normal ass and do something. I KNOW this. But my back hurts and I want to eat the cake.

My motto this past winter [everytime something remotely yummy was in the house] has been...if I eat it all now, there won't be anything in the house like that again for a long time...that way I won't sit and munch on it and gain weight...even as I type it I know how ridiculous of a motto that is. Especially since desserts reproduce in my fridge overnight...or something. I feel we are the halfway house for lost chocolate.

Maybe it does not help that most of our extracurricular activities involve sitting around a table with our friends with piles of snackies in front of us to gorge ourselves on. I need better hobbies. Ones that don't involve eating lots of goodies because apparently I have NO willpower to resist such things.

Ok I lied...Kimi didn't devour the brownies, she ate some of them...and since she had eaten most of it anyway, I had the rest. Ok...she didn't eat most of it...she had a corner of a large block of I ate one layer of it...but not until after I put the chocolate icing on it--brownies without icing? Blasphemous. No I didn't wash it down with Coke...I had some of that for lunch. I am pathetic.

After writing all of this, I realize that I need serious help. Ok...time to get away from the computer, and go outside --hiss-- and then over to the pool to do some swimming. Can't put it off any longer.


Maybe if I try to remember that chocolate looks the same going in as it does coming out...I will be less likely to eat it.

Ok, no that didn't work.

Death by Chocolate

Ok, here it is...the truth...the honest to goodness truth...and I just have to face it.

I have gained weight over this winter. I'm not sure how much, I am actually afraid to look. My jeans are definitely getting tighter though...and that alarms me. Soon enough I will have to go to the store to get a larger size to accomodate my thighs.

So, I have to face the fact that I have little or no willpower when it comes to certain things. So I need to identify my weaknesses...[just like identifying what pushes my buttons]...

1. Coca Cola: this is a big one simply because I love to drink Coke with everything. It is the perfect compliment to just about every meal.

2. Chocolate: In any form.

3. Coffee: I like it with lots of cream and basically a dessert.

So we will call these the three C's from here on out.

So...I have to stop and start being healthy again. I just don't know if I can do it. Every time that I say this...I last for about 4 months and then kapow I am back to the three C's.

In fact, right now...there is a 1/4 of a cake sitting on my countertop...tempting me. And there is almost a 1/2 container of chocolate icing in my fridge [leftover from making the cake]...there are also brownies in my fridge. And there is a 1/4 of a 2 litre of Coke in my fridge, that I scoped out from last nights get together.

I am starting to actually plot my next score!

How did I sink to this level? My teeth are starting to look rounded, I am sure of it. Next thing I know Caleb will accidentally call me "Mrs. Hix". Life is not fair. Why is it that all the good things make my butt bigger?

I keep on pumping myself up to go exercise, but I am trapped in my nice warm townhouse with chocolate and Coke. In fact, the only thing I might possibly leave the house for is to go to Starbucks. Isn't that sad? Maybe it is a good thing that I don't have a coffee maker.

Nothing good can come of this...yet water and lettuce sound so unappealing. I did eat a grapefruit for breakfast though. But the cake was staring at me the whole time that I was cutting that grapefruit in half.

Maybe if I stay out of the kitchen all day...I can hide here in my little office...with the door shut...

Friends, if you find my body huddled in a corner of my office...look for the chocoate foot was the cake that got me...I swear.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Chocolate Overload

My head is going to explode, I've had cake two days in a row. And there are leftovers AT MY HOUSE...not to mention there are brownies here as well. I may as well give up any hope of exercise and diet to lose weight. My chocolate therapy is in full swing. I can actually feel my butt getting bigger.

Hey all you angry people!

I think that it is important to recognize that everyone gets angry. And that it is OK to get angry. Alot of people bottle it up, and never deal with it. However, there are ways to proactively deal with anger...I heard these tips and want to pass them along:

Identify your buttons.

Knowing what makes you angry will help you to protect yourself from future feelings of anger. That way you may avoid, or prepare yourself mentally for the fact that whatever it is WILL get you angry, so you can deal with it better.

Identify the underlying emotions.

There are usually underlying emotions that incite anger...which translated; is an inability to deal with those underlying emotions. Emotions such as frustration, sadness, fear. Identifying what the underlying emotion is will help to deal with it before you get angry.

Give up on fairness.

This one may be hard for many people to identify with. This essentially works for those of us who Christian, and who recognize that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. This also hits on the point that what we really deserve, as sinners is Hell. So, if the world were fair, we wouldn't be here, according to God's law. I have trouble with this one a lot, I often say that things aren't fair, but if I put it into this perspective, I am now thankful that things aren't fair...and that I have the opportunity to be closer to God--and to live.


Exercise: This one is self explanatory. Exercising relieves stress, and makes you better prepared to handle difficult situations.

Vent: This one is important. Many people think that they shouldn't let anyone know their troubles. Well, that is fine if you are an island. But people aren't islands, and isolating themselves does more harm than good. [I have been told this by a wise person more than once] So find someone you trust...a friend, God...and talk to them. Tell them what is hurting you. Remember that venting and gossiping are NOT the same thing. Make sure that who you are talking to knows you are just venting, and that it isn't to go anywhere else [hence the trust part]

Take care of yourself.

Yes, exercise is taking care of yourself...but don't forget to feed your body, and give it rest as well. Some people [like myself] become very irritable when they are hungry. If you aren't feeding your body, or giving your body rest, your mind won't be able to process your emotions effectively. Besides no one likes angry skinny people. They are like being attacked by stick figures.

So be angry, but in a healthy way!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


This really needs no explanation. Except that if this had not been at someone elses house...and if I had been left alone with the last of this cake...I would not have felt one ounce of guilt devouring these last pieces right out of the pan...with my fingers...ALL BY MYSELF!!! [I swear that gooey spatula was whispering to me] Oh...the shackles of having to conduct oneself properly when one is a guest.

Best Chocolate Cake EVER

Renewed Faith in Humanity

My instructor has decided to give me full credit for my Accounting homework [that I had turned into the wrong instructor--making my submission very very late] based on the fact that I have been diligent throughout the course. THANK GOODNESS!!

"There is always the Library"

I wanted to address this comment in full, because I think that it deserves some attention...

Yes, of course there is always the library, yet last I heard they didn't actually appreciate bringing overly active, loud, extremely curious and somewhat uncontrollable two year olds to them.

I am a bit limited to where I can go and how fact going to Barnes and Noble even for a half hour is stretching it.

Last night [while at Barnes and Noble] you could spot me as the frazzled woman skimming over the books shelves with a crazed look in her eyes-trying desperately to find a book, any book that would appease her need to ESCAPE.

I was the one pushing the stroller that contained the half naked two year old. Half naked by her choice, not by mine. But letting her undress herself gave me about 5 minutes of peace...peace meaning I wasn't continually taking books away from her as she attempted to PULL THEM OFF THE SHELVES to create an avalanche. Peace also meant that she wasn't screaming bloody murder, or escaping to wreak havoc and doom on an unsuspecting public.

[Don't ask me where Caleb was, he disappeared two seconds after stepping through the door--I don't blame him]

Yes...the library is a nice place, a quiet place...a place of serenity...I don't want to ruin that for other people. I could not possibly let loose that devastation at such a sanctuary. That would be cruel. So...I will shop Ebay, it is safer that way.

Ok I have to go...she is bellowing for me to feed her...

Monday, February 21, 2005

One way or another...I shall read!

Tonight Caleb and I went to the book store to drool over the books we want and can't buy...because frankly books are VERY expensive. But we still like to browse at Barnes & Noble and pretend that we are buying something.

Well, I decided on four books that I would like to read in the near future:
The Other Boleyn Girl; Memoirs of a Geisha; I, Elizabeth; and The Time Travelers Wife.

I also decided that if I pass my classes this week, I will purchase a book and read it over Spring Break. Well...on the way home Caleb came up with a brilliant idea...why not try to find these titles on E Bay? What an epiphany!

So...I did...and for the fraction of the cost of one new book, I can GET ALL 4 TITLES!! isn't that mad? Ha Ha Barnes and are merely a tool for browsing, so that I can bid on Ebay. Nyeah! I feel vindicated the bargain shopper wins again!!

It Sucks When...

You work for an afternoon on an Accounting assignment, get it done on time... and then send it to the wrong instructor.

Then you don't realize it until 2 days later, when it is way past the deadline and won't be accepted, thereby not receiving credit for any of the work that you did do.

Can you say Ew?

Caleb's horse you read that correctly, is turning purple and yellow. It looks as though someone beat him with a baseball bat.

Trepidition vs. Elation

I have been unemployed since October 1, 2004. In the time that I have been home I have learned that my kids actually need me. Prior to my unemployment I was a single mom, with no other choice but to work and provide an income so that we would have a place to live and food to eat. The decision was easy.

Now, I am newly married with a very small possibility of staying home, even though that choice would mean that we would not live so comfortably, and sometimes we would not have enough money to cover all of our bills. The possibility of eviction may always be impending, and sometimes we would not have enough food. Is staying home the wise choice?

I have been putting my resume in to a bunch of jobs, and this morning I received about 10 responses from an employer that would be really great to work for--but my feeling was dread and not elation.

My I go to work and ensure that the bills will be paid, or do I stay at home so that my children will have a mom that isn't too tired to spend time with them? Already I know that I am not good at juggling both responsibilities.

I could remain on Medicaid, and government assistance so that I am at least a presence with my kids...or I could go back to work and get us off government assistance and maybe into an actual does one decide which is more important?

Does being a working mom mean I am a bad mom? My youngest will have to go to daycare, and I will have to start the process of finding someone to watch over her, and care for her while I am away. The thought just breaks my heart. Especially after the fiasco that occured the last time with finding a daycare. Imagine how you would feel to learn that your daughter was purposely burned by the daycare you chose...because you had to work.

I know that my story isn't much different than anyone else's. Everyone has to make that choice. It doesn't make the hurt I feel any less though. It just makes the injustice of it even more poignant. It makes me realize that our society, the way that we view things is wrong. I used to have a hardened disrespect for stay at home moms.

Now that I have had a taste of what it is like to stay home with my children...and actually BE a part of their lives...I am scared to go back to work. What will happen to them if I do? I haven't been asked for an interview or anything like that...I might have a heart attack if that happens. I love my kids, and I want to be there for them. I want to the relationship with my kids that I never will have with my own mom. Will I be able to do that if I don't stay home with them? Will we be as close and as loving a family?

All I do know now is that children need thier mothers and fathers involved in all parts of their life. I dont' think that need ever goes away entirely. The thought of not being a part of what they do, makes it hard for me to breathe. Perhaps I have apron strings...but I know that at least while they are here with me, I need those strings as much as they do.

Thoughts on Lovecraft so in H.P.

Many of my friends are well read, and in my particular circle there are a few who are very familiar with horror writing. I am a little behind in my reading of the horror genre. I was an avid and faithful Stephen King fan for many years...until he became weird, even for my taste. I am still a big fan of his older work, but I think I may have "grown" out of him. Maybe because I started reading Stephen King at the tender age of seven.

I look at my seven year old daughter, and I know that I would never let her read that stuff, not if I could help it. Of course, she couldn't read it really...she hasn't progressed very far in the reading department, which is another subject entirely.

At any rate, I had always listened to people speaking about H.P. Lovecrafts work, the Call of Cthulu and etc. Nod and smile because I have no idea what they are talking about--not really.

So, finally I picked up a used copy of Lovecrafts best work. I have to say that I am not particularly riveted.

I know that this book review is coming a little late, I mean, the guy is I am sure that he doesn't actually CARE what I think. But to put it plainly, I find his work rather dry and uninspiring. I am sure that in his day, his ideas were way out there, and quite disturbing. Which is brilliant in of itself. But for me, a modern reader...his work isn't as scary as I had hoped it would be. I mean, Stephen King even named him as the best horror fiction writer of the 20th Century. That has to say something right?
Ah well...I was hoping to be scared out of my wits by a genius horror fiction writer, and unfortunately I am not.

I think that this is because I read him AFTER reading works from authors who were inspired by his ideas. Dean Koontz and Clive Barker both have written novels that have hints of Lovecraft in them. Not plagiarism by any means, just influence. I think that perhaps Stephen King's earlier work was also influenced by Lovecraft. Though this is just speculation...I don't know if these people actually read Lovecraft before they became published...who knows? Only they do.

I am enjoying their work over Lovecrafts though because they have expounded and made the initial idea [Lovecraft] a much more horrific story[Koontz, King, Barker]. I do however enjoy his format of short stories and novelettes. I dont' have time these days to invest in a full novel[unfortunately]..because I LoVe to read. So I have been taking mini breaks from Accounting, Math and Business Writing, to read Lovecraft.

I am not done with this book though, I may have more to write after I have completed it. To be fair, this is a mid book review.

Sunday Night Reflections

Yes, this one is getting out there a little late, but late is better than never.
This past week was pretty eventful as far as the Gilbert household goes, so I am ready for a new one...hopefully more relaxed.

This past weekend was pretty good. Caleb and I hung out together on Friday night, and watched a movie. He was able to see AVP for the first time. He really liked it as I knew he would.

Saturday I went to my grandma's birthday party...they decided to hold it at a bar, I didn't like bringing my kids there, I didn't like my kids smelling like smoke, but overall it was a very nice time, and it was good to see my grandma. Saturday night I finished up my homework [thankfully] and was able to get to bed at a decent hour.

We have been going to a new church, and this morning's services affirmed that we are making a good decision for our children. They have some great community programs for kids and adults, and the atmosphere is alive in the love of our Lord. So, no complaints there.

I received a call this evening from our good freind Scott C. He will be coming out to visit in April or May, and we are looking forward to the visit. This time we will try to plan something fun to do for him. However, I will have to conced to go to White Castle...because he doesn't have one out where he is. [not that I think he is missing anything but hey..]

At any rate, it was good to hear from him, and I am glad that I can talk church stuff with him even though we don't believe the same thing. It is still nice to have that part of my life be respected rather than an uncomfortable issue between us. Thank you for that Scott.

My relationship with my extended family is no better or worse than it has ever been. I believe that I will always be the black sheep of that particular group of people. For whatever reason, I could not tell you...though I have speculations and it has a lot to do with unfounded gossiping. Oh well. I am just so very thankful for the family that I have with my husband, children and least there, they are willing to know me before passing judgement. I can only pray that someday my extended family will try to get to know who I am, rather than who I was

Other thoughts on friends, sometimes they don't always appear to be as close as you once thought they were. That's ok. People grow apart, and come back together, weaving in and out of your life as God sees fit. I miss many of the friends I have had in my life...losing touch for whatever reason. But I am still very blessed with the friends I have now. So for those who I am not as close with as I used to is okay. Maybe in the years to come we will renew that spark. Until then take care.

I am also very thankful for my brothers and sister. It is amazing to me that of all the possibilities in life that could have happened to our relationships with each other, we still manage to be good to one another. I think that they are wonderful people...and I hope that we can continue to grow closer as time progresses.

As for myself...I am just happy that I am passing my classes. It appears that praying actually does work.


Saturday, February 19, 2005

Happy Birthday Grandma

Today my grandma turned 80 years old. It never occured to me when I was a young girl that my grandma would ever look old or frail. I always imagined that there would always be grandma. However, today as I looked at my grandma, surrounded by her family I could see that I was wrong.

My grandma is the one who taught me the love of shopping. Every Saturday morning we would go to grandma's house in Rochester, MI and hang out for a little while. Then we would gather ourselves up and drive out to a mall, or Kmart, or wherever would be having good sales, and spend an entire day browsing and shopping. We would have lunch and then shop some more. Grandma taught me how to bargain shop.

I remember those Saturday's quite fondly, as they were my one reprieve from a fairly dismal childhood. Grandma's house meant candy, weakened tea, cartoons, playing Barbies, rolling down her big back yard hill, playing dress up, exploring her basement, and riding Big Wheels.

Grandma's house meant that I was not going to be yelled at as well. While grandma was always strict, she followed it up with hugs and laughter. She taught me that it was important to discipline, but also show love and respect. Something that I hope to show my children every day.

Grandma made me feel special. Like I was the only one in the world like me and that was a good thing. She laughed at my jokes and listened to what I had to say. I remember that her house was the only place that I felt safe.

I remember holding her hand and matching her strides with my short legs, trying to keep up with her long legs. My grandma was so tall.
Now, if I hold her hand I have to do it gently, or her skin will bruise. And I have to slow my strides to match hers and not go so fast because I am the one who is tall.

The best thing about my grandma is her laugh. Boy she can laugh. It's loud and she does it with her whole heart. She loves to laugh. So do I.
I remember when her laugh would embarrass the crap out of me...especially in a movie theatre. I hope that I embarrass my kids when I laugh...then I can say I got that from her as well.

My grandma wasn't the type to cook. She never baked cookies [that I can remember] and she likes to eat dinner in front of the T.V. However, her cookie jar was never empty, and she always had a secret stash of candy. And dinners at her house were always the best-even if it was just Campbell's Vegetable Soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I remember staying at her house on Saturday night, staying up really late, much too late...and falling asleep to the theme song of M.A.S.H., which I remember was one of her favorite shows. I also remember when she would color her hair, auburn. She had this special robe she would wear for those times. It was old and pink, stained with hair dye. I have one of those now.

My grandma insists on wearing slippers in the house...and I get older [and my feet get colder] I am wearing slippers as well. The ballerina ones with a little ribbon on the toe. I think that she wears slip ons now.

My grandma is older, quieter, and after several strokes she is much more fragile. But I remember all of these things about her, because she has made such an impact on my life...that I could never ever repay her, or love her enough.

I pray every day for her health. I pray every day that she has peace and comfort. I don't see her every Saturday any longer. I hardly see her at all, and I know that this is my own failing. But I love her. And I am so very thankful that she still has that laugh...and she still has that spark that makes me see her as I did when I was a child.

My children will only know her as she is now. And I am saddened to think that they do not have a grandma to take them out on Saturdays, hold their hand and give them the moments in time that they will cherish forever. But I hope that someday I am able to give those things to my own grandchildren. I know that my kids are only 11, 7, and 2. But I am looking forward to the opportunity to be called "grandma" because it is a title earned through love.

Friday, February 18, 2005


My youngest daughter [age 2], to get my attention will come up to me while I am sitting and pat me on the breast... I don't know why she does this, only that it is annoying, so I am forever telling her to stop.

Well...telling a two year old to not do anything only incites more of the while she was incessantly patting me I asked her "What is this?" pointing to my breast.

I was curious if she was familiar with the name of that particular body part...since she knows all of her other ones. She just smiled her big smile and said "BUNNIES".

So..I have bunnies.

Mr. Ed

My husband got bit by a horse today. I don't like that.

Cha Cha Cha

Zac has made the honor roll. Can you believe that? I can. Well..considering our sketchy and jumpy past...I actually can't. This kid has been through SOOO much B.S. in the past 6 years. I'm surprised that he is so well adjusted.

Some people have had the nerve to say that he is too quiet, or he acts beat down and shy. Let me tell you something...don't mistake good manners for being whipped. This kid can talk back to me just as much as your kid does to you the difference is that when he does it is INTELLIGENT. [I wish I could underline that twice!]

Sorry my children aren't braying donkeys like 89% of the rest of the population. It is unfortunate that is what everyone expects, and when presented with otherwise they think something is wrong.

So...excuse me for raising a sensitive individual who speaks up when he really feels that there is injustice being done. Try getting to know him before giving your opinion thankyouverymuch.

As for how those people think I am raising my children. Hmm..its easy to sit back and rant and rave, and spout your opinions...if you really think that something is wrong, then GET INVOLVED...otherwise STFU.

Cha Cha Cha


..okay...okay, I STILL play hide and seek.

Good Times

I have small beings running around my house playing hide and seek [Both Abi and Zac have friends over from their sleepover last night]. I remember when I was the one running around playing hide and seek. Good times.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Thankful for Friends

As some of you probably know...[because I don't think that anyone who doesn't know me is reading this blog]...Caleb and I have been going through some seriously hard financial times. Both of us became unemployed right at the time of our wedding...just over 4 months ago.

You can imagine just after spending an amount of money that you have never had before in your life, and then losing the income to support a family right afterwards was not so easy. At any rate, that isn't the reason for this post.

The reason for this post is to inform THE WORLD...or at least those that read this blog, that our friends rock.

If it had not been for our friends, we would not have had enough food for our kids, so that we could pay rent. We would not have had fun times to ease the stress. And surely we would have gone more insane than we were to begin with.

Caleb and I are by no means out of the rough. He hasn't started his new job yet. But him having it is definitely a first step. I know that there are some decisions I need to make about my own employment situation.

...but Caleb and I talked late into the night last night, and we both are in wonderment over the amount of support and love that our friends continue to show us on a daily basis.

Believe me, we aren't that easy to love.

The wedding almost drove us crazy, so this financial mess pretty much pushed us over the edge. Yet, our friends tolerated all of this, and in fact opened their arms, their hearts, and even their refridgerators to ensure that we were taken care of.

Not too long ago we oathed a lifetime together...we celebrated and then the guests went home and we did too. Soon after we were hit by hard times, and though the wedding celebration is over, these friendships remain a constant source of support and love.

I sincerely believe that these friendships are Gods gift to us, to see us through, and Caleb and I are both very thankful.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


My apologies to those who I may have offended regarding my gift giving post yesterday...I was highly annoyed at the time. I've since ammended the post to exclude the comment of sending out dirty diapers and used calendars. :)

How to Peeve Me

Give my kid [or anyone else I love] a gift that says that you have no idea what they like, nor do you want to bother to find out. Yeah...that makes a person feel special and loved. As though just giving someone something is as far as it goes. In my world, gifts are worth the thought put into them. The world would be a much better place if the practice of gift giving wasn't just a motion.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


Caleb was offered a job today!!!

Evil Jester

A few nights ago we were visited by an evil being.

Apparently, the children weren't doing their chores properly and my silent wish of "Evil Jester Evil Jester come take these children away..right now" was answered. [see the Labrynth for details on this incantation]

Try as we might, we could not negotiate his intent [to take the kids away]. So I thought perhaps if he was to get away with this horrible deed, I would take a picture to record it, and then find him later, or report him to the authorities.
I'd have PROOF.
So, with some flattery I was able to get him to stand still enough to snap this photo. To my surprise he vanished with the flash of the camera, and all that was left of him was his lingering scream fading from my perceptions.

It wasn't until yesterday when I went to snap another photo of my dear children that I saw the grinning face peering back at me...and heard the shrill cackle of his voice, and the bells of his hat...IN MY HEAD.

Apparently, I had trapped this evil jester in my camera... I tried deleting him from the camera several times to no avail. The only thing to get him out of there was to dowload him on to the PC.

Unfortunately, whenever I am on my computer, I can hear his laughter, so I have to send him you, I'm sure you understand. Aren't I sweet? It's like a late Valentine's Day gift. Only not really.

I hope that he doesn't turn into a virus. No matter, at least I won't hear the laughter any longer...the shrill maniacal my head...all the time. Would any of you like a peanut? hee heeee!

Evil Jester

Flirting with Danger

I guess I have always been a little bit of a thrill seeker. Even though I am a mother of three, I still feel drawn to do something outrageous every once in a while.

I have always wanted to take a hot air balloon ride. I was on a hot air balloon crew a few years ago, and I had to stop assisting, so I never got that free ride. I may revisit that some day.

I was a white water rafting boatman for one season. I went through some pretty arduous training, got certified, and then had to stop for one reason or another.

A few summers ago, my brother and I were making plans to go ghost hunting [this was even before that show came on the air]. We were going to explore old houses and buildings, and document our findings. But that never panned out.

Two years ago I was suppose to take flying lessons. Then I found out how expensive it is. [I haven't ruled this one out though..I may very well get my pilots license for practical reasons]

My latest idea is to go sky diving. Actually, I have been thinking about it for quite some time. One of my friend's went, and described it to me. I became instantly intrigued. So, I am looking on the websites of the sky diving companies in the area. It is about $165.00 for a full day class and the first jump.

Now, this is coming from a person who is EXTREMELY afraid of heights. Skydiving...yeah right. But it is exciting to think about.

My track record shows me that I like to flirt with danger...not actually have a relationship with it.

Monday, February 14, 2005

This Flick Sucked

Last night we watched Resident Evil: Apocolypse
I just have to say that it was horrible, and if women are going to kick butt, they should ACTUALLY HAVE MUSCLES.

So, all you movie directors/ writers/ casters out there...get away from the stickish, tall, big headed actresses with no muscles. We know why you pick them..they are pretty [like aliens]...but come ON.

I could believe the heroine in Alien vs. Predator more than the heroine in Resident Evil. Even Demi Moore worked out to make G.I. Jane somewhat credible. And Angela Jolie pulled off an equally believable Lara Croft.

Sure sure, "Alice" is suppose to be "genetically enhanced"...however if you see a guy kicking butt on screen [even the genetically or chemically enhanced SPIDERMAN]...the actor isn't generally scrawny and anemic. If they are, the movie is usually a spoof on superheroes.

I won't even go into the other heroine in the movie, the woman cop...who was EQUALLY starved looking, but her buddy was a big huge buff guy...and HE was the one who was taken down by the zombies.

Ok now I am ranting.

If you watch it, don't say that I didn't warn you.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Sunday Night Reflections

This weekend was actually pretty good. Friday night we watched "The Manchurian Candidate" with Denzel Washington. It was an excellent movie. Mr. Washington gave another fantabulous performance...of course.

Saturday started out slow. I of course, was writing about my daughter's potty training exploits, but after that I did my homework...which took me most of the day. I receieved an IM from my sister in law [Rochelle] to go out dancing that night. So, I gave a tentative yes. I had homework to finish [Accounting homework]...and I would have to clean the house before I could approach my husband about watching the monsters so that I could go out dancing.

There was more to my tentative "yes" though. I was apprehensive about going out. I haven't been out in a LONG time, and certainly not out dancing...where the club is filled with trolling males and half dressed females.

The last time I went dancing was over a year ago, with my then fiance. It was for a friends birthday, and we had a ton of fun. But I hadn't given any thought to going to a club to dance without Caleb [my husband].

At any rate, I felt a little nervous. I wondered if this is what I really wanted to do, go back to that scene and be around that element. I haven't had very much luck going to clubs and bars to go dancing. Luck as in---being left alone to just enjoy myself and dance. No...I usually attract the dumbest, most ugly of the trolls who never seems to understand "leave me alone". Which has ended me up in a bar fight...with a guy. So....yeah.

But I wanted to dance. I love to dance. I actually think I am a pretty good dancer--for a white chick. At least I have been told that...but I know people just say nice things, and I could really look like Elaine from Seinfeld when I hit the floor. [which would explain the stares] Oh well, I don't care.

So my desire to go dancing won out on my trepidition. Besides, my brother is a bouncer at the club we were planning to go to, and I knew that would make me feel a little bit safer.It was a little slow at first. Though I know that the DJ's are suppose to play crappy music at first so that the patrons will spend their money on drinks. That is how the clubs make their revenue...duh!

So we endured the bad music and hung back for a bit. I told Caleb that I wouldn't drink, but the vanilla martini was too tempting. So I had some...but it was of course too strong. [I don't drink very often, if at all--not like I used to, so I have a very very low tolerance]. The three sips I did have were good enough to make the music palatable so we ventured forth to hit the floor.


My only bad encounter was this guy who wanted to dance too close...I pushed him back away from me to a more comfortable range...and then he moved in I pushed him back again. He says "So what are you shy?" I said "No, I just don't want you to touch me"...thankfully he moved on to troll somewhere else.

The last time I had that encounter with a guy at a bar...he grabbed my arm and twisted it, while yelling vulgarities in my I punched him in the face. Then he punched me in the face back.
I fell back cracked my head on the floor, and ended up with a black eye and a headache. Not the best way to end a night.

I love to dance, but I hate the fact that there are so few places to go and enjoy the dancing without the alcohol and idiots.

Towards the end of the night, I ended up in a dance circle with a bunch of people who were semi competing. It was so cool. One of them was letting me learn moves off of him. I enjoyed it so much because for these guys dancing came first, and picking up women second. We never exchanged a word, but they had a good laugh at the white chick trying to copy them.I got home very very late...[early]. And it was so good to be home.

I love to dance, because I love music so much. But coming home to my sleeping family curled up on the floor because they were waiting for me...I love that more.

Zonked Out

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Vamanos! Let's Go!

I am on the computer [as usual] blissfully perusing different websites, and I hear Kimi yelling from the other room "mommy pooopeeee" over and over. It takes me a minute to disengage my brain from the computer screen in order to respond to her, and when I do I say "ok, come here".

Kimi is potty training. Well sort of. She is almost 3, and that is ok. At first, we tried to potty train her right at 2 years old. But all our "training" did was set her back. It got to the point where she didn't want to acknowledge that she had a crappy diaper. Nothing we said nothing we did would coax her to want to tell us that she had to go. So our indicator that she has to have a diaper change has been purely of the olphactory persuasion.

Anyway, I decided that we should try something different. Ignore her. Ok, not ignore her, but not try to convince her to do anything [which generally just stresses us out--BECAUSE SHE IS IN CONTROL] You can't MAKE a 2 1/2 year old tell you that she has to go to the bathroom. It's impossible.

So...anyway...lately she has been telling me that she has done the deed...which is a huge step up. And every time she tells me, I am like "ok come here" because she either has gone already, or I am hoping it will be that one monumental moment that she HASN'T gone already and I can sit her atop of her Dora Potty Seat.

Ok, so this time, as per usual, I said "ok come here"...but she only responded with more adamance "MOMMYYYY POOOOO_PEEEE"....[finally getting my attention] and then Abi informs me that Kimi is still in her high chair. oops.

Well, I get up and go towards the dining area, and the smell hits me. I was too late--again. So I change her and I ask her if she wants to sit on her Dora potty chair [which depicts the cute little Dora character, her monkey friend boots, and "Vamanos!" "Lets Go!" in pink letters--for encouragement of course!]

She sits down and pretends...and after she is bored with it, tells me that "She did it"...and then it hits me...maybe this whole potty training thing is going so slow because of me. I mean...if the 3 year old has to yell to get my attention that she has a stinky diaper...maybe I am the one who needs the training?? Maybe its the fact that I am on The Internet? I mean...Abi was potty trained MUCH earlier.

It's noon on Saturday and I am still in my jammies.

I need an inspirational potty seat.

Friday, February 11, 2005

The Ink He Likes to Drink is Pink

Tonight I had Abi read a book to me, she picked "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" by Dr. Seuss. As she read, and showed me the pictures, I experienced the same mix of fascination and unease that I did as a child.

Dr. Seuss books are bizarre. The creatures on those pages are not of this world...and quite frankly...I hope that I never have to sleep with a zeep, find a wocket in my pocket, a zug under my rug a geeling on my ceiling, or a jurtain behind the curtain. [I'm sure I butchered the proper names for these beasts]

By far "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" frightened me the most...which is probably why I read it so often. I wanted to make sure I knew the names of the bogies that were going to come and get me in the night. I need to make a mental note to look deeper into Dr. Seuss' writing, as I am sure that there are significant world view meanings hidden within those verses.

"Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. Everyday, from here to there, funny things are everywhere" (Dr. Seuss, 1960)


I have a love/ hate relationship with writing in journals. I love to buy them, I love the concept of filling the books up with the things that happen to me, good and bad, on a daily basis. But that feeling subsides when I look at the half filled journals that I have. There has only been one journal that I have owned in my entire life so far that I completely filled...and I threw it away.

My friend Karen and I each bought a small journal and promised that we would fill it up over the course of the next year and then exchange them so that we could read each other's journal. Well, I finished my journal, but then Karen and I lost touch...then I read what was in the journal and decided that I didn't want to remember anything in it. So...I threw it away.

Not long after that, I bought another journal, a really nice one I might add..and it basically logged a series of unfortunate events. Pages of desperation and confusion. So I threw that one away as well...and didn't write in a journal for a long time.

Looking back, I wish I hadn't thrown them away. Because as the saying goes, we learn from our mistakes. Well how the heck am I going to learn if I forget them? And if nothing else they were a part of me.

Anyway, I decided at the beginning of this year I would reconnect with my journaling. So I bought myself a nice little red journal. And I also made the stipulation that this journal would be specifically for 2005, so regardless if I fill all the pages, I will buy a new on for 2006 [yay for shopping!]. I don't write in it every day, but I write what I think is relevant--and it can't be all bad stuff.

Then I went a little crazy...I bought a journal for each of my children. Not for them to write in, but for me in it to them. My intention is that I will write to them on their birthdays or other significant events throughout their life, and when I am gone...they will have an account of my thoughts for them.

I didn't do very well with the baby books, and those are journals of sorts. Kimi doesn't even have a baby book...I've taken to saving certain trinkets of their childhood rather than writing everything down. The objects are more tangible.

I do want to explain that I journal not because I think that what I have to say, or what I experience has any more importance than anyone else. I do it becuase I don't want to get out of the practice of writing and sharing ideas. And I simply don't want to forget things.

I lost a big record of myself when I threw those journals away. And I realize now that there are big blocks of my life that I simply don't remember [that were never journaled at all]. It's a shame, because I've been to a lot of really interesting places, but if you ask me any specific details I couldn't really tell you. Ok that's not true, I just wish I could remember more.

I found that it would have been nice when I woke up that one day and said "who am I? How did I get here? Am I right? I wrong? what have I done? " and been able to reach for a journal and say.....oh yeah, thats who I am.

Same as it ever was...same as it ever was...same as it ever was...

First Time for Everything

I have been reading other blogs on and off for the past year, and this past month, I have become an avid reader of a few select blogs. My interest piqued, and decided why shouldn't I do the same? It seems fairly easy. Well, we'll see how this goes.

Kassi Gilbert