Monday, January 09, 2006

The Guilt of it All

When I was a single mom, working full time out of the home, I felt guilty.

Guilty because my job kept me away from them. Guilty because when I was home, I was tired. Guilty because I couldn't do or be there as much for them as I know I should have.

Now that I am a stay at home mom I don't experience as much guilt regarding my children, though sometimes I wonder if I am really good at being a stay at home mom. But a new guilt has come in to take the old guilts place...

Guilty because my husband has to financially support 5 people on his own. Guilty because I spent the last 4 years in college to earn a degree that I am essentially not using. Guilty because I feel I am being sedentary rather than active.

I'm not sure why I feel guilty. Taking care of our home is plenty of work, definitely not easy.

Random Thought: I am a little afraid of buying a house, only to find out that it is haunted. That would suck.


At 09:42, Blogger diggincookin said...

You know, of course, that the "stay at home mom" is a modern construct. If you can't afford the luxury (and that is what it truly is), then you should get out there. Hope I don't sound at all harsh, but it troubles me that so many folks think that there is something "biblically right" about a woman barefoot in the kitchen. Sometime, when you have a chance, ask Caleb's grampy about his opinion on this - you might be suprised at his answer.

At 10:24, Anonymous lawbrat said...

Um, is it very, very weird that I have had that same random thought.

The guilt is understandable as to why, yet i'm betting its something you and hubby talked about. A stay at home mom is no easy task. I did it while married, without any support from my ex, except financially. It was more difficult than any job I ever had, and also the most rewarding.

If you want to stay home, and hubby is in concert with that...get rid of the guilt. Ya, I know. Easier said than done. If your in financial ruin, you gotta do what you gotta do for your family. Each family has different circumstances, kids are in school when mom or dad is at work- there are stay at home dads- financial issues unique to each family, its about what you and hubby decide together what is best for your family.

At 11:23, Anonymous lawbrat said...

Kassi, I didnt mean any ANY disrespect at all. When I said 'financial ruin' I didnt mean that you staying home with the kids was ruining you financially. AT ALL. It was just a general opinion that - of course you two would do things differently if you had to.

I stated up front that I bet its something you and hubby talked about. I should have clarified and also said decided together. You two dont seem like people that would just throw it up in the air and see what happens.

I definetly understand the compromises on the home front with regard to schedules, appointments, meals, just the basic running of the household. It dosent run itself.

Kassi, i'm so sorry if I offended you, or made you feel badly with that statement. I really did not intend any hurt or ill will. Please forgive me if I came off that way.

At 11:52, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps in a past life you were either Jewish or Catholic and you are just channeling that guilt from 'way back then?

...either that or maybe your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something.....

What do I know? I'd have to kill myself if I were a SAHM.

Keeping you and yours in our prayers!
--Kim R

At 13:02, Blogger Kassi said...

I am probably an old Jewish mother from a past life.

At 19:12, Blogger Kimba said...

It is a mother & wife's job to have guilt, I'm certain of that. Otherwise, I don't think we'd put up with some of the things we face each day.

At 19:39, Blogger Burkulater said...

Wow, this sounds like me! Most of the time, I need to remind myself that what I do is enough.


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