Tuesday, January 10, 2006


I bought a scale only to find that I have not GAINED any weight; it just MOVED to my butt.

Snoog Logic

Roxy has a tail

Tangerine has a tail

Dragons have tails

Roxy and Tangerine are dragons

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mean Mom

I'm a mean mother. I'm serious.

My children's chore list is as follows:

Put the clean dishes away
Vacuum when asked
set the table before dinner
clear the table after dinner
Put the clean clothes away
Keep their rooms clean
Clean the bathrooms once a week
Scoop the cat box every day
Walk the dog once a day

My son, for the most part, has no problem with his portion of the chores. My daughter on the other hand...not happy with what has been delegated to her.

I wonder if she would rather have MY list of chores?

Probably not a good idea...the checkbook is already screwed up enough as it is.

30 days

I am no good at sticking to self guided goals. My energy, my attention, my drive is inspired by short bursts of energy, not longevity.

I'm still trying to kick my Coke habit. It's hard though...that red and white bottle is so enticing.

I heard once that it takes 30 days to form a new habit. As I wobble through my beginners pilates workout, I wonder if they meant 30 consecutive days, or can they be stretched out over a year.

The Guilt of it All

When I was a single mom, working full time out of the home, I felt guilty.

Guilty because my job kept me away from them. Guilty because when I was home, I was tired. Guilty because I couldn't do or be there as much for them as I know I should have.

Now that I am a stay at home mom I don't experience as much guilt regarding my children, though sometimes I wonder if I am really good at being a stay at home mom. But a new guilt has come in to take the old guilts place...

Guilty because my husband has to financially support 5 people on his own. Guilty because I spent the last 4 years in college to earn a degree that I am essentially not using. Guilty because I feel I am being sedentary rather than active.

I'm not sure why I feel guilty. Taking care of our home is plenty of work, definitely not easy.

Random Thought: I am a little afraid of buying a house, only to find out that it is haunted. That would suck.

Sunday, January 08, 2006


There is something indefineably, and undeniably powerful feeling in having ones own network. Even if you did decide to give it a goofy name.

Reminder to Self

Never make "extra bean" chili if you intend to remain locked into a seated position for more than 4 hours. Eventually, air build up will find the quickest escape route and try to utilize said route as much as possible.

Maintaining diligence in preventing said unauthorized escapes while in the presence of company leads to painful cramping.

That is all.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Cheeky Geocaching

In order to retrieve my good mood in regards to the long winter ahead, I decided that I would take the kids out to do some geocaching in our area. I found a park that had two caches, as well as clues to a few other caches in a park nearby. So I printed out the coordinates, and then we clambered into the van and took off.

The first cache wasn't as easy as I had thought...and about 10 minutes after our arrival at the park, my fingers were numb and the Snoog was whimpering about being cold. It was at this time I realized that no one had had a potty break before leaving the house...and the park restrooms were closed for the winter. I knew I was working on borrowed time.

I brought the camera in hopes to get one good shot to document our little adventure, but the GPS decided that its batteries were low, so I had to make an executive decision. Camera or GPS. Without the GPS there was really little point in us being out there freezing our patooties off, so the camera took one for the team

We fervently looked for our prize, which was a micro cache, and happened to be a clue to finding a cache in another park...different coordinates. We logged the information, and then made our way back to the van. After warming up a bit, we decided to see if we could find the second cache in this park. I admit....I cheated. I drove around until I came fairly close to the coordinates in which the cache was hidden.

But with a three year old who may have to go pee at any second...I was all about doing what I could to make it fast and simple. Thankfully it worked. I ended up finding a parking spot about 100 yards from where the cache was hidden.

As my son fished the tupperware container out of the base of a hollow tree, the Snoog suddenly knocked her knees together and exclaimed that she had to GOOOO PEEEEE PEEEE MA MA!!!

Here we are, out in the middle of a wooded area at a popular park in our home town...no potty in sight. The trees and bramble stretched out before me indicating there would be no way I could make it to the nearest restaurant in time. I did what I had to. I sat her over the edge of an old stump. The poor child got initiated in the out door potty experience in 28 degree weather. Suffice it to say her top cheeks and her bottom cheeks were the same color within a matter of seconds.

After we put the container back in the tree, with our pieces of treasure added, I decided that we should hold off on the other park...and headed straight for the cafe for some hot cocoa. The Snoog had been a trooper throughout the whole experience, not crying once, and in fact informing me that she likes treasure hunting. Even if her cheeks do get a little pink.

I'm sure that when she is 15 she will appreciate that I didn't have a working camera on hand.


You are cold. grey. bleak.

You sprawl out before me in an endless string of unrealized moments. Like a pregnant gray cat waiting to be scratched, waiting to scratch back.

You look old, haggard. But you are actually very young. The illusion is so deceiving that I forget that I celebrated your arrival just a few days ago.

The upcoming months loom before me, a blank slate of uncertainty. I have to face them. Live them. But how?

But the couch and my pajamas look so much more friendly.

Perhaps I'll wait until May emerges. May is a playful kitten; and I'll be ready by then.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

This Just In

"Women don't want money...they just want a man to listen to what they want..."

-Abby (age 8)

Zombie Montage

2 a.m.

Wake up from dreaming about a date night with my husband that includes a swank restaurant, strange hor 'dourves, and a dance sequence featuring Michael Jackson's "Thriller". I couldn't get the dance steps down right...and none of my friends would get up there with me. Chumps.

4 a.m.

Wake up from dreaming about being a wife to a man in an influential family whose sons are all plotting to kill their father (who is actually a pretty decent guy). After an inaugerational ceremony on the pier, with lots of food and champagne; an explosion sends me flying into the ocean off the pier. As I sink below the surface I learn that there is an underwater zombie society.

7 a.m.

Wake up from dreaming about shopping for interesting food items at Trader Joe's (my current favorite food store), where shoppers are standing in abnormally long lines in zombie-like trances. I purchase my items, and Kimi slips away from me out the door into the parking lot...the cars are moving too fast to see her...

7:15 a.m.

I decide I will no longer snack on Pringles and French onion dip while watching zombie movies before going to bed.


I read this book in less than a day...it was fast paced, and just too extremely interesting to put down.

If you have some time to kill and want to read something completely different than anything you have read before...Neverwhere is for you.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Back in the Saddle

Well, the plague has passed. Caleb is back to work today...the kids are their normal selves, and I have enough spark in me to look around and realize that my house is a total disaster and I should DO something about it.

I don't let the place get in this condition very often, and I suppose extreme illness counts as an excuse.

On the upside, I have 3 of Santa's little helpers here to lend a hand. This of course will not bode well with my children who are taking full advantage of the word "vacation". Unfortunately for them, they have a mother who is able to unscramble the word "vacation" and create the words "spring cleaning".

So...I'm off to wake them up and break the good news. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Good for Something

Last night I found out that my noisey, smokey neighbors kick out a really strong wireless internet connection which saves me from having to buy a wireless router of my own.

Go figure.

Update: After doing some research, and a friendly tip from Scott...I will be purchasing my own router tomorrow. I'm not going to bank on my neighbors stupidity...no matter how many times I have asked them to turn down their stereo.

One Thing at a Time


she yells adamantly in her biggest "big girl" voice.

As though, a pair of underwear and the ability to control ones bowels gives her free license to do as she pleases.

If only it were that easy. Life is full of little disappointments kid...

Monday, January 02, 2006

Getting on With It

At 7:00 PM this evening, I decided to stop feeling like a substance reminiscent of dog puke and get out of bed.

If only my will would be so strong when faced with Moosetracks ice cream.

Death Warmed Over

It is official. I am totally, utterly, completely, undeniably, sick.

I haven't left the couch for the past two days. Rendered useless.

Which totally sucks more than usual because this is the first vacation my husband has had in a long time.

The sad thing is that I am too achey to sleep. So, here I lay...with my eyes rolled half way to the back of my head, moaning.

Of course, maybe it is a good thing that my eye lids are not working properly...the house, I am sure, is in a state of disaster that I probably would not want to see right now.

I'm rolling over now...hence the sickly glow of my computer screen will no longer be able to illuminate my face. Even that hurts my eyes right now.


Sunday, January 01, 2006

Met Her Match

Our Vacation

Our Christmas Vacation became somewhat reminiscent of a Lampoon movie the moment we lost the map before we hit the Pennsylvania turnpike; a little more than half way to our destination. Definitely too far to go back. This should have been my warning sign of things yet to come.

As per the typical male trait, my husband would have rather fiddled around with a complex GPS (while driving) than stop off and buy a road map. So....the trip to MD was punctuated with numerous "requests" to "stop messing with the damn GPS and keep your hands (and eyes) on the road." Might I add that Pennsylvania is a rather hilly, if not mountainous region in which many twists and turns are encountered. I was white knuckling it most the way, and am the first to admit that my prayers were more colorful than usual.

Thankfully, my husband graced me with his trust and took my word that the Ohio turnpike turns directly into the Pennsylvania turnpike saving us about 2 hours in drive time because the GPS would not route us on toll roads. (Thank goodness for my photographic short term memory)

We arrived at around 7:00 in the evening, otherwise unscathed. Even though I didn't have any songs on my iPod yet. Even though I couldn't pick up an internet connection to save my life.

The next few days went something like this:

Wednesday: Birthday party/ Abby vomits all night
Thursday: Washington D.C. (a drive saved by the iPod god...I actually didn't care if we got lost...the scenery was awesome and made better by its very own soundtrack)
Friday: Geocaching (geocaching ROCKS)/ Dinner with grammy and grampy/ Snoog projectile vomits and poops on herself and everything she is in contact with all night resulting in several bed sheet changes...
Saturday: We depart, leaving behind us the rancid smell of bile and general putridness.

Yay for the Gilberts, lovely people...just be prepared to fumigate upon their departure. To date, ALL of our vacations have had a distinct wretched smell in which to associate them by. Someday, I'll make that list. And yes, I blame it on my husband and his fascination with farting (which apparently is a hereditary trait).

The entire time was highlighted by the Snoog and M. J.'s relentless rivalry. She is every bit GIRL as he is BOY. And neither one is a quitter. I can honestly (almost) say that I can't wait until they are older so that I can retell the stories of how they behaved with each other when they were little. It was an endearing sort of madness that made you want to giggle as you pulled your hair out. I truly believe that a parent of a preschooler invented NyQuil.

The best part was being trapped in an enclosed trampoline with two of them. I was left alone to watch over them as all the other adults ran errands... I believe that the neighbors must have mistook my cries for help as laughter as I tried to claw my way out and away from Thing 1 and Thing 2. At least...that is what I hope. And I am not too proud to admit that they kicked my butt from here to tomorrow on the trampoline. I have scars, both mental and physical.

Actually, the two tots were a great source of entertainment all week...except when mine was puking. Okay...even then. I love that they get along so well. And I am looking forward to them being buddies when they are older as well.

Anyway...I made sure to load up my iPod to survive the trip back...and regardless of what the insolent GPS says, I tried to smile and nod as my hubby took us off route for the millionth time because my mix includes Depechhe Mode, Journey, The Toadies, and Queensryche.

However, my husband did have a final meltdown on the way home...Ohio does it to us Michiganders EVERY time. I'm not for certain that they purposely create road traps for us wolverines, but I am also not certain that they don't. At any rate, somewhere between I-280 and I-75 on highway 795 my husband had had enough of the two female voices (one from the GPS and my own) telling him what to do, confusing his already directionally challenged mind to the point of no return.

It must have been a moment of lucidity that made him realize that if he didn't listen to the real woman he would end up having to take cold comfort from a GPS on New Year's Eve instead of cuddling with his wife...(i.e. I won), and dangit if I wasn't right.

GPS is great, but can't anticipate detours and road construction...or crazy Ohio road traps. Take that beeyotch.

Anyway...we made it back home...and miraculously no one threw up or pooped themselves in the car. Myself included. But considering the way our stomachs were acting up...you still wouldn't have wanted to be there. Thank goodness for automatic windows.

All is well now of course. Not to mention the cat practically had a coronary upon our return. Her people came back and she is all full of cuddles. I think that she gained a few pounds as she got into and ate two entire containers of cat treats. And part of the living room had been dismantled. At least there were no kitty "surprises" waiting for me in my bed. I have had enough of poop and vomit for a while; human or otherwise.

On the up side, it was awesome to see Calebs moms side of the family again. M made the best breakfasts, K was a gracious (and patient hostess). Not to mention S was a wonderful babysitter, and J was cool about giving up his room (though I did warn him open the windows a bit before reinhabiting)...I just wish we hadn't brought the plague with us so that they will invite us back.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!

So glad to be home...

Resolutions: 0

More later about our trip!

Love and God Bless,