Prosaic Poppy 2005-2006

Personal Intervention and things that go OUCH in the night

This morning I woke up with a back ache. I am not sure how I could possibly pull something in my sleep, but I did. So all day I have been hunched over in achy pain. I could use this as an excuse as to why Kimi didn't get very much of my attention today, but lets face it folks, I have been letting the child rule the house for the past couple of months now.

I had good intentions. I was going to stay at home and teach her to potty train, do puzzles with her, teach her ABC's, numbers, and colors. I was going to PAINT with her EVERYDAY--and be Super Dooper Mommy.

I am not sure what happened to that original, beautiful and unadultered idea...but nothing of that sort has happened. I have done puzzles, colored, painted, sang ABC's, counted, and shown her colors...and even attempted potty training...but not every day. Somehow the time is still getting away from me.

I keep the house somewhat clean so that my husband will think that I am doing something during the day, but in actuality I am not. For instance I should be cleaning the bathroom right now...or doing laundry. But I am not. What is wrong with me? Is it the endless winter? Is it apathy? Is it that I am just stupid and lazy?

Yes, I am taking classes...but still...shouldn't I be doing more?

I obviously think I should be doing more. I mean...last year I was working full time, going to school full time, taking care of my kids and planning my wedding.

...

Okay maybe that was a bit too much to take on. So, now that I am barely doing anything...I feel like such a LOSER. I actually sit here and try to think of more things to do in order to reach that same level of busy-ness that I was at last year at this time--then I get overwhelmed with all the things I'm not doing. Maybe I AM crazy. Now there's a thought.

So, now I know why I am gorging myself on desserts...
[By the way...the two year old got into the fridge and DEVOURED the brownies...I walked in on a chocolate faced Kimi looking awful guilty. I was going to scold her but then realized she saved me]

On a completely separate note, Caleb and I will be playing in a game called EAU. If you don't know what that means, then you aren't suppose to.
So this means we will have an opportunity to get out...away from the kids...one evening a month. Elation!

So...back to me and my neurosis...

I know that I have to stop whining about it and just get off my considerably larger than normal ass and do something. I KNOW this. But my back hurts and I want to eat the cake.

My motto this past winter [everytime something remotely yummy was in the house] has been...if I eat it all now, there won't be anything in the house like that again for a long time...that way I won't sit and munch on it and gain weight...even as I type it I know how ridiculous of a motto that is. Especially since desserts reproduce in my fridge overnight...or something. I feel we are the halfway house for lost chocolate.

Maybe it does not help that most of our extracurricular activities involve sitting around a table with our friends with piles of snackies in front of us to gorge ourselves on. I need better hobbies. Ones that don't involve eating lots of goodies because apparently I have NO willpower to resist such things.

Ok I lied...Kimi didn't devour the brownies, she ate some of them...and since she had eaten most of it anyway, I had the rest. Ok...she didn't eat most of it...she had a corner of a large block of brownies...so I ate one layer of it...but not until after I put the chocolate icing on it--brownies without icing? Blasphemous. No I didn't wash it down with Coke...I had some of that for lunch. I am pathetic.

After writing all of this, I realize that I need serious help. Ok...time to get away from the computer, and go outside --hiss-- and then over to the pool to do some swimming. Can't put it off any longer.

posted by Kassi Gilbert @ 3:41 PM