Prosaic Poppy 2005-2006

Our Vacation

Our Christmas Vacation became somewhat reminiscent of a Lampoon movie the moment we lost the map before we hit the Pennsylvania turnpike; a little more than half way to our destination. Definitely too far to go back. This should have been my warning sign of things yet to come.

As per the typical male trait, my husband would have rather fiddled around with a complex GPS (while driving) than stop off and buy a road map. So....the trip to MD was punctuated with numerous "requests" to "stop messing with the damn GPS and keep your hands (and eyes) on the road." Might I add that Pennsylvania is a rather hilly, if not mountainous region in which many twists and turns are encountered. I was white knuckling it most the way, and am the first to admit that my prayers were more colorful than usual.

Thankfully, my husband graced me with his trust and took my word that the Ohio turnpike turns directly into the Pennsylvania turnpike saving us about 2 hours in drive time because the GPS would not route us on toll roads. (Thank goodness for my photographic short term memory)

We arrived at around 7:00 in the evening, otherwise unscathed. Even though I didn't have any songs on my iPod yet. Even though I couldn't pick up an internet connection to save my life.

The next few days went something like this:

Wednesday: Birthday party/ Abby vomits all night
Thursday: Washington D.C. (a drive saved by the iPod god...I actually didn't care if we got lost...the scenery was awesome and made better by its very own soundtrack)
Friday: Geocaching (geocaching ROCKS)/ Dinner with grammy and grampy/ Snoog projectile vomits and poops on herself and everything she is in contact with all night resulting in several bed sheet changes...
Saturday: We depart, leaving behind us the rancid smell of bile and general putridness.

Yay for the Gilberts, lovely people...just be prepared to fumigate upon their departure. To date, ALL of our vacations have had a distinct wretched smell in which to associate them by. Someday, I'll make that list. And yes, I blame it on my husband and his fascination with farting (which apparently is a hereditary trait).

The entire time was highlighted by the Snoog and M. J.'s relentless rivalry. She is every bit GIRL as he is BOY. And neither one is a quitter. I can honestly (almost) say that I can't wait until they are older so that I can retell the stories of how they behaved with each other when they were little. It was an endearing sort of madness that made you want to giggle as you pulled your hair out. I truly believe that a parent of a preschooler invented NyQuil.

The best part was being trapped in an enclosed trampoline with two of them. I was left alone to watch over them as all the other adults ran errands... I believe that the neighbors must have mistook my cries for help as laughter as I tried to claw my way out and away from Thing 1 and Thing 2. At least...that is what I hope. And I am not too proud to admit that they kicked my butt from here to tomorrow on the trampoline. I have scars, both mental and physical.

Actually, the two tots were a great source of entertainment all week...except when mine was puking. Okay...even then. I love that they get along so well. And I am looking forward to them being buddies when they are older as well.

Anyway...I made sure to load up my iPod to survive the trip back...and regardless of what the insolent GPS says, I tried to smile and nod as my hubby took us off route for the millionth time because my mix includes Depechhe Mode, Journey, The Toadies, and Queensryche.

However, my husband did have a final meltdown on the way home...Ohio does it to us Michiganders EVERY time. I'm not for certain that they purposely create road traps for us wolverines, but I am also not certain that they don't. At any rate, somewhere between I-280 and I-75 on highway 795 my husband had had enough of the two female voices (one from the GPS and my own) telling him what to do, confusing his already directionally challenged mind to the point of no return.

It must have been a moment of lucidity that made him realize that if he didn't listen to the real woman he would end up having to take cold comfort from a GPS on New Year's Eve instead of cuddling with his wife...(i.e. I won), and dangit if I wasn't right.

GPS is great, but can't anticipate detours and road construction...or crazy Ohio road traps. Take that beeyotch.

Anyway...we made it back home...and miraculously no one threw up or pooped themselves in the car. Myself included. But considering the way our stomachs were acting up...you still wouldn't have wanted to be there. Thank goodness for automatic windows.

All is well now of course. Not to mention the cat practically had a coronary upon our return. Her people came back and she is all full of cuddles. I think that she gained a few pounds as she got into and ate two entire containers of cat treats. And part of the living room had been dismantled. At least there were no kitty "surprises" waiting for me in my bed. I have had enough of poop and vomit for a while; human or otherwise.

On the up side, it was awesome to see Calebs moms side of the family again. M made the best breakfasts, K was a gracious (and patient hostess). Not to mention S was a wonderful babysitter, and J was cool about giving up his room (though I did warn him open the windows a bit before reinhabiting)...I just wish we hadn't brought the plague with us so that they will invite us back.

posted by Kassi Gilbert @ 6:04 PM