Monday, November 07, 2005

A Little Hemophobe

Today after finishing up my work at church, I decided to give blood. My church is hosting a blood drive today.

I had about an hour before I needed to be at Abby's parent/teacher conference anyway, and thought to myself that I could finally conquer my old fear, and just do this one worthwhile a hero of sorts, or at least do my civic duty.

I walked into the blood drive room asked some questions, and then went back to the administrative office to pick up my purse and coat.

By the time I walked back to the room where the blood drive was taking place, my right foot was starting to tingle.

I've never been able to give blood. Heck, I've never been able to have blood drawn without almost passing out. In fact, when I was getting my ASVAB's done for the military I DID pass out.

If nothing else works for me as a preventative to pregnancy, all the blood tests that are involved are enough to make me think long and hard about having another child.

However, that aside...I thought for a brief insane moment that I would be able to overcome my fear of needles, blood and more blood, mostly MY blood...yeah, I'm afraid of MY blood, in one afternoon. Not the case.

The volunteer instructed me to read the brochure and then sign my name on the sign in sheet.

I knew that I was going to back out when my eyes couldn't focus on the words in the brochure, well...that's not true...I saw the word "blood" a few times...

My hands started to go numb, and then with shaky legs, I stood up and said I was sorry, but didn't have the time at the moment to give blood. How late were they open, etc. etc. Knowing full well that I had no intention of returning.

I'm weak. I know. Sorry and pathetic all rolled into one.

After I retreated to the outdoors, the cold rush of wind brought back some of the feeling in my limbs. I took a drink of water to soothe my suddenly parched throat, and with some shakiness I started my car. Only until I was safely away from those white trucks with the big red cross on the sides did the feeling completely return to my hands and feet.

I hope that some day, I will finally make myself do it and overcome this fear. I know I should, I want hopefully some day soon. Even now as I think about it, my fingers start to lose feeling. I know that it can be conquered, I know I can face it...but not today.


At 21:16, Blogger AfricaBleu said...

One of the very FEW perks of having had malaria was that it stays in my bloodstream, making me forever ineligible to give blood.

Otherwise, I would just have to live with the guilt - I don't do needles.

At 10:44, Blogger Kelly said...

Kassi, I've never given blood either. I've had it taken from me plenty of times, and the memory of one nurse apologizing profusely while tears streamed down my face because she couldn't find my vein, doesn't inspire me to do so anytime soon. Someday I hope I can get over my fear of it, too.

At 10:49, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I passed out while giving blood and haven't done so since. It makes me very guilty. Maybe we can go together one day and try to overcome our anxiety.



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