Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Age 10 Sitting on the edge of my parent’s bed; I would listen to music pouring out that old stereo system. There were so many reasons to want to get away, my young heart didn’t even understand all of them, only the turmoil inside caused by the circumstances far out of my control.

I was able to escape the moment and be somewhere else anywhere but there, even for three minutes…and for me that was hope. The piano solo was a doorway and his voice enlightened me to life in ways that I can’t explain.

I knew at that tender age that my life was not always going to be as I was experiencing right then and that some day I would feel the pains of adulthood just like that small town girl and city boy. But at least that pain would be my own doing.

I wondered at the vastness of it all, how it would just go on, and where might my footsteps lead me. I had no idea, but I knew that I could experience a lot, because there were so many possibilities that would lead me away from that place.

Even now as I listen to those words, I sometimes feel that my life is still traveling…on the to where I do not know. But the pages haven’t stopped turning, and I know that if I am not happy, then standing still is not an option. I escape from wherever I am to wherever I want to be...even if for only three minutes.

In some ways, I have stopped searching. But back then, my journey had just begun…and right now, this moment is just a pause in step. There is still tonight, there is still tomorrow for as long as my life goes on, and so many experiences yet to come.

Perhaps his words weren't meant for a 10 year old girl living in a farm house surrounded by uncertainty, chaos, and abuse. But grown up thoughts had already infiltrated my child mind. Therefore, I understood, and did not stop believing.


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