Sunday, June 12, 2005

Solitude

This past week I learned a lot, nothing of it having to do with Corporate Finance, trust me.

Of the many things I learned, one of them is that my family wants me out. Out of the living room that is.

I moved my desk and computer in the living room in order to be closer to them, and to be able to watch Kimi when I am doing my homework.

I felt that I was constantly holed up in my little office, with numerous items stacking up around me due to my husbands obsessive collecting of things.

I made a bold move...I escaped the hole and entered the living room...bright and sunny. And constantly noisy.

Noisy can't be avoided though..it is the living room. And my family as much as they love me and I love them...they are loud and I like quiet...especially when I have to study or write, or just plain think [or zone out]

I am a loner by nature. You would not tell this from my abundantly active social life. I love my friends, I love how often we gather and hang out. But there is still a small part of me that enjoys solitude. Needs it, craves it.

I was an only child for most of my young life, and I didn't live in a neighborhood. Our house was the only one on our road.

So, I spent most of my time by myself...and I guess I got used to that. So much so, that if I don't have my space, my time out, my time alone...I literally go quite mad.

And I had been going mad for some time now without even knowing it.
My family on the other hand has been suffering the brunt of this, as I had placed my need for solitude back on their shoulders by labeling them loud, rude and inconsiderate.

No, they aren't...not really.

My children don't know what it is to be an only child.
Neither does my husband.

They are typical personalities who have always had people around to share time with.

I have a couple of friends who are only children, and I see why I love them so much, and I realize now what we have in common. The need to have space.

These friendships are very close and secure, but oddly enough we do not actually see each other very often. And this works for us. Because when we do see each other it is met with great enthusiasm. I am quite sure that it would not be so if we were around each other all the time. It would go against our natures.

Anyway, back to my family...they have put up with my grumpiness long enough, so I am back in the small office space. My desk is nice and neat and behind me are piles of items that make no sense to me. Why we have them I don't know. Actually, it isn't that bad...we just need shelves to make sense of it all.

Regardless, as I moved the desk back in this room away from the TV and the noise, I started to feel calm again. Which is really funny because I adamantly opposed coming back in here. I reluctantly gave in...and now I have apologized to my husband and have admitted that he was right.

My desk needs to be away from everyone. For my own sanity, and for my family's comfort...

I am the only child of my mother and father. My blood is unique, I am a race unto my own.

Sometimes I just need to accept that it isn't a bad thing.

2 Comments:

At 06:17, Blogger Fin said...

mmmm.... private space and me time...

 
At 21:07, Blogger Kassi said...

I love it. I should feel guiltier, but I don't.

 

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