Monday, April 18, 2005

Just Not Ready

When potty training has become stressful to the point of tears, it is time to realize that the child is just not ready. I think that the saddest part has nothing to do with the fact that we will still have to purchase diapers and wet wipes for an undetermined amount of time, but the sympathetic looks that other people give us, or worse their "helpful-snide" comments, because our three year old still wears diapers.

Why should I succumb to what other people "think" is the right age for potty training and in doing so push her into an activity that she is just not ready to understand and accept?

My daughter can put together puzzles that are rated for children much older than her...she can draw faces with all the facial parts in the right place, she can color inside the lines...I know adults who can't even do that.

She counts to five, and she recognizes colors. She likes to take showers, and she loves to shop for shoes [I'm not kidding].

She shows empathy towards other living things, and she is fiercely protective of what she loves.

But because she wears a diaper, she is somehow defective and everything that she HAS accomplished in her three short years is null and void.

Already she is subjected to society's view of the norm. She feels the pressure, I feel the pressure...and it sucks.

So, I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of the "MY child does this" game...

Because in the end...does it really matter if your kid can poop in the toilet at the age of 3 if he or she has no ability to recognize when another person is hurt? Or worse, doesn't care that they have caused another person to hurt...

Already at this tender age we develop them with a sense of "look what I did!" rather than "how can I help you?"

What is even more sad, for some people potty training is the biggest accomplishment that they will ever have.


At 06:54, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Potty training, in my opinion, in not the correct term. We, as parents, do not train our kids to potty in the toilet. They do it when they're ready, and we guide them. You are your daughters advocate. To heck what anybody else thinks, says or what they're kids do. I had one that 'potty trained' early, but he did it HIMSELF. He was ready. My second, he was still in diapers at 3. He still has accidents at night and he's 6. The more I 'pushed' to train him, the more he rebelled. Im a firm believer that kids do it when they're ready, not a second sooner. You can live through heck while trying, or just let it happen naturally.
Besides, your child seems intelligent, sweet, sensitive to others feelings and already has shoe shopping down.
I didnt mean to go off on such a tangent, sorry.
It will happen. She will do it. Like walking, crawling, first words. Parents dont 'train' their kids to do those things, just wait for them to happen. Why is using the potty different?


At 07:37, Blogger Kassi said...

You are absolutely right. I didn't "push" or "train" the other two, maybe that is why I don't remember actually doing anything like this I am backing off and taking a different approach, the same as the one I used with Zac and Abi...which is basically not do anything. She'll do it when she is ready.

The difference this time around is the pressure I am getting externally...

At 08:27, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you have to have external pressure. It makes things so much more difficult. The thing is, and you know this, all kids are different. All people are different.

Here are 2 sites I found very informative. Just remember, your not alone.



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