Thursday, October 20, 2005

All at Once

When I received the papers in the mail announcing that I was awarded sole physical custody of my daughter, it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

She is mine.

I could rest knowing that there would be little, if any, interference from her paternal father. I knew that eventually he would stop seeing her, it was just a matter of time.

The child support checks kept rolling in, and with each one the knowledge that if he wanted, he could see her.

Tomorrow we will be heading to a court appointment to file a petition for adoption. Caleb has been the only father figure that she has known. Since the moment she could address him by a name, it has been "Pappa".

She has shortened that name a bit, especially when she is exasperated with him, to just "Pop". Sometimes she refers to him as "Dad". Which is nice, but that title never really sticks. Other times she calls him "Caleb", and we are quick to correct her. I think that she gets confused because Zac and Abby call him by his first name, so why shouldn't she?

I remember once that my step dad asked if he could adopt me. I remember the elation I felt about the prospect of truly being part of that family. And actually having a dad. It was probably one of the only times in my childhood that I felt wanted.

Of course, it was short lived, and it was only mentioned that one time.
He never adopted me, and I am sure that I am better off for it. At least I never had to carry the name of the man who left scars deep enough for nightmares 20 years later.

But this is different. Much different.

Caleb is her Pappa, and he loves her in a way that I myself will never experience.

He loves her like a father.

And for me, all at once; that weight is lifted more.





10 Comments:

At 23:12, Blogger Jill said...

Boy is there ever so much between those lines. It makes the listener friend part of me wanna have a cuppa coffee and just let you share. I'm glad the weight is lifted. And I hope there will be no nightmares tonight.

 
At 23:16, Blogger AfricaBleu said...

Caleb is a hero. Plain and simple - a hero because he wants to be a dad. Heroes are the guys who get up at night to fetch a drink of water, kiss the boo-boos, scare the boogeyman out of the closet, and stare down the nervous boy on the couch who wants to take the precious daughter out on a date.

I hope all goes well with the adoption - but regardless of the outcome, he is her REAL dad, and a real hero - and she is blessed because of it.

 
At 02:46, Anonymous irene said...

oh I'm so happy for you. what a touching story and thanks for sharing it. you are a terrific mother for protecting and aknowledging the needs of your daughter the day you do. I was raised by a single mother who was never there, and it was hard. I'm sure this will lighten yoru daughter's life forever.

 
At 07:19, Anonymous lawbrat said...

Oh Kassi! That is so wonderful!
One of my good friends was adopted by her step-dad when she was 20. Before that she just wasent ready even though bio-dad is horrid. So, when she was 20, she got an attorney and gave him the adoption papers for christmas. The joy for both of them was overwhelming. She was even sent a new birth certificate with his name on it.
I pray for that same joy for you. I am so happy for you all.

 
At 08:03, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck Kassi. Let me know how it goes.

Ginny

 
At 09:23, Blogger Kelly said...

Kassi - I'm really happy for you, and your daughter; especially happy that she has a father she can trust, and who is going to adopt her. That's truly wonderful... xo

 
At 09:45, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope all goes well today....Caleb is truelly a great soul.

JOhn

 
At 10:32, Blogger Kassi said...

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. It's not over yet, but keep us in your prayers that everything goes well.

 
At 11:07, Blogger bella said...

Another well wish from me!
I'm so glad everything went smoothe and all the problems are now gone.
Lot's of luck to you and your family.

 
At 14:43, Blogger desertUndine said...

How beautiful that you now have that peace. I'm so happy that your daughter has such wonderful people (you and Caleb) in her life to give her stability and love. I can only imagine how much this will impact all of your lives - what a wonderful thing.

 

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