Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Truth of the Matter

Things are going well over here at Chez-Gilbert. I haven't anything really to complain about. And truthfully that worries me. I'm not sure if it is needless worry, or if it is indication that something truly stressful is about to happen. Calm before the storm type of thing.

I am really not sure what to do with myself now that I have finished my degree, and sent in my grad application. Usually at this time, after having finished my final exams, I would be making arrangements for the next semester of tedious classes. Now, time is stretching before me without any marked activities that must be done.

I've never experienced this.

I guess my itch is a combination of two things.

1. I am no longer a single mom, working a full time job and going to school full time.

2. I want the adoption process to go without a hitch.

The first one has everything to do with my identity. Since that was my identity for a good 6 years or so, it is hard to relieve myself of all those titles and move on to something new without knowing what that something new will be.

The second one is easy to rationalize; the adoption is not in my control. There are two very distinct unknown variables. Unknown variables scare the control freak within; the result being excessive worry.

It has been my experience that worrying about every possible scenario has helped keep everything in line with the order of the universe. And no one can convince me otherwise.

If I don't worry; bad things happen. At least this is what I have convinced myself since a very young age. Which has probably attributed to a lot of malfuntions in my personality, and my relationships. (I am prone to bouts of self-psychoanalyzation-working at a mental health clinic was very very insightful)

At any rate, today I don't have anything planned. Which can go one of two ways. I can waste the entire day wondering what I should be doing, hence only getting the bare minimum of things accomplished. Or I can give myself a two or three goals.

I've opted for option B.

One of those goals is to actually sit down for about an hour and start reading my neglected book. Yesterday I was waylaid by my husband. Or actually, my husband pointed out the finer attributes of doing some Christmas shopping since he was home, and all of the children were out. We are almost done with said Christmas shopping, which will be a strange phenomenon come Christmas Eve this year.

So we did that.

My next goal today is to sit down and do some concept drawing for the murals in the children's classrooms at church. The children's director (the lady who I volunteer assist once a week) had distributed a public request for anyone with artistic talent to submit ideas for the murals. I've done mural work before at a daycare, so I have decided to see if they might like my ideas. If they do, then I will have a new and very big project ahead of me; because I will also be coordinating the painting of said murals.

My last goal is an "and or". If the weather remains beautifully gloomy, I will do some much needed houswork...mainly putting away my laundry and then taking Kimi and Roxy for a walk.

If the weather brightens up, I will take Kimi to the park. I mentioned this in passing to her yesterday, and this morning SHE woke ME up by knocking on my door yelling "GONNA GO TO THE PARK MA MA!!" So you see, I really have little choice in the matter at this point.


At 09:38, Blogger SlushTurtle said...

I wish my Christmas shopping was almost done! I'm usually an early shopper, but I am not on track to have it all done early this year.

My son woke me up this morning shouting "MAMA! BALL! BALL! MAAAMMMAAAA!!!" because he could see a balloon he was playing with yesterday from his perch in the crib. Being the fabulous mother that I am, I threw the balloon at him and headed back to bed for a little nap...

At 12:36, Blogger AfricaBleu said...

My father, who is a teacher of cross-culturalism, tells his class that there are two types of people - crisis oriented and NON-crisis oriented. Crisis oriented people look at a situation and go through every possible worst-case scenario, then fix all they can BEFORE it becomes a problem - "worry" is there watch-word (this would be ME). Non-crisis oriented people ignore a situation until it is chaos, then they scramble around in a panic and dig themselves out, after much sweating and swearing (and this would be my SISTER).

Nice of us to make sure we are living, breathing examples for his class, huh?

You sound like you fit in MY catagory, dearie - which means we sweat FIRST and sail LATER.

Enjoy the park - but you'd better take an umbrella, just in case...


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