Changed
Recently the question has been posed to me on whether or not I have actually changed.
I know that I have matured in the past few years, probably by leaps and bounds. Life will do that to a person.
I know that I am closer to God. Actually believing will do that to a person.
So, yes, I guess I have changed.
Yet the question bothers me. I hadn't realized that I was that bad of a person before.
Before accepting Jesus as my savior
Before the myriad of 'life experiences'
Before this point in time.
Was I bad?
I wasn't always nice. I was probably down right selfish on many occasions.
But was I a bad person?
Maybe I was.
Maybe I still am.
Have I changed...the question alone leaves me feeling cold, and wondering about myself. Apparently someone out there thinks I am a bad person. And I will probably drive myself to distraction trying to figure out exactly what I have done to warrant such a label.
Maybe my perception of myself has been wrong all along.
Now...I really don't know.
posted by Kassi Gilbert @ 7:20 AM
5 Comments:
Perhaps it would be better to look at yourself as having grown, rather than changed. This alleviates the need for you to think that there was something wrong with you before.
Ginny
My concern is that if there was something wrong with me, [bad] before...maybe I am still that way, and because of my perceptions of myself I am unaware.
I don't think you should really worry about it. You have alsways caring and an understanding person. We all have our little quarks. I have noticed that in the past few years you have become more understanding of yourself and have realized that your selfworth has always been there. You are wonderful mother and have brought joy to your children's eyes. You have learned to love, not only yourself but Caleb, maybe this is because God has shown you the light. I don't know, but it brings a great joy to my heart to see and hear the happiness in you, Caleb and the children's voices. I think you have grown but I don't think you where ever bad or broken.
Thank you both...it is grounding to hear that others think I am a good mom. I often do not think I do enough for my children. They deserve every happiness and every ounce of security that I can provide.
I'm always striving for self improvement. Sometimes I have looked back and been ashamed at the way I was. I've learned now to stop looking back and be proud of the positive changes I've accomplished.
Just as an aside, I've found the most inspiring people were once considered "bad" and have since changed their lives around.
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